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2019-05-16 2347
I changed the format up there. I am just coming here because I want to write but I have no idea what to write. I do not want to spam the forum so I am going to go through my obsessional writing here tonight. I am a writer so I write. I need to write more and more because it is one of my weapon in this world. The truth is that I have felt pretty stressed out lately. What I say or what I believe. Sharing it and what I am starting to see around me... I am not sure anymore what is happening but I trust it. It is an alien story so be it. I feel like I would go dance but the kid is sleeping downstairs. I have no proofs of anything and my challenge is to break my doubts so I purely believe in myself. No matter if alien or not. Everything is kind of a craze in a daze for a crave with a Dave? What? Whatever man! Hello here is a larva. A cosmic one! I have been writing some third grade information lately. The old human scenario as getaway backup story. It made me feel like uninteresting or even crazier than my alien "claim". I keep saying that it is not a claim but... What I mean is that I am still deeply sure that I am some sort of alien in this world. I played the getaway card... Now I will go human on the forum and become a paranormal, ufo or alien investigator. A field investigator! But here I may stay first grade honest and be a larva on a mission to help and support. People they could believe but if I am just a human, they let me down... It dropped the number of click and the speed of it to be seen. I looked at this and it was kind of on purpose. I am going back under cover.
I changed the format up there. I am just coming here because I want to write but I have no idea what to write. I do not want to spam the forum so I am going to go through my obsessional writing here tonight. I am a writer so I write. I need to write more and more because it is one of my weapon in this world. The truth is that I have felt pretty stressed out lately. What I say or what I believe. Sharing it and what I am starting to see around me... I am not sure anymore what is happening but I trust it. It is an alien story so be it. I feel like I would go dance but the kid is sleeping downstairs. I have no proofs of anything and my challenge is to break my doubts so I purely believe in myself. No matter if alien or not. Everything is kind of a craze in a daze for a crave with a Dave? What? Whatever man! Hello here is a larva. A cosmic one! I have been writing some third grade information lately. The old human scenario as getaway backup story. It made me feel like uninteresting or even crazier than my alien "claim". I keep saying that it is not a claim but... What I mean is that I am still deeply sure that I am some sort of alien in this world. I played the getaway card... Now I will go human on the forum and become a paranormal, ufo or alien investigator. A field investigator! But here I may stay first grade honest and be a larva on a mission to help and support. People they could believe but if I am just a human, they let me down... It dropped the number of click and the speed of it to be seen. I looked at this and it was kind of on purpose. I am going back under cover.
04-02-2019 1345
The anesthesia was really strong and I was OUT. Nothing wrong has been seen in my stomach. Samples has been collected so now I am waiting for biopsy results. Then I will meet the doctor again to talk about it and tell me what is next about it. Then I will go to the GP to know what else is going to follow. I am also suppose to have ultrasound later and maybe a little surgery. I am still waiting for an appointment with a psychiatrist. I am also waiting a call from a family doctor. So from my gastroscopy, nothing has been found... Well that was for my abdominal pain. To be continued... I need to see ultrasound of my liver to know if it is really recovered from drinking too much. I also want a good opinion regard to my gallstones. I also want to be checked for parasite but with an endoscopy. I think I have something inside eating me alive. More and more within the past years I felt like I was getting drained by something. It is embarrassing to talk about but if it is the case well... I think I may want it out! I am going to call the clinic today to see if I can see the psychiatrist this month. For confirmation of my diagnosis. I could even request a assessment to reassess my diagnosis. But I could risk things... From what I remember aliens told me that I am schizophrenic so... I think this won't go away. But there is a missing detail with that psychiatric answer. To be continued... That is pretty much it! Now let talk inspiration and future. For that day I will be healthy and all I will be able to handle. I feel the future and how strong and stable I will be. I know that ahead is beautiful for those that believe it. When you say you hope to do good with or without power, it is how you start to have power on your own life. I will play the game until it gets real. I hope it will get real before I die and try again... It doesn't matter I am soul bound to a lot of people and we always find each other. The way someone make me feel is unique to everyone. How I feel with someone is a signature, like a digit print. I know which is here the most for me and doing the worse and harder. I am a happy alien even if I complain a lot. Larva style! I start to have the joy of living because survival is over. :)
There are time I wish I could write that space feeling that I have in time. Something from beyond is rocking me sweet and I deeply have confidence. I believe in destiny. I believe in this impulse inside of never letting things going down. That flame that never dies that keep me going. Above my head there is not much to see but it is beautiful. When I look at my feet and where I walk then I do not step on shit. I forgot for a while... I have something that connect to another world and I can't see it. I can't see it but I can feel it, closer, closer and closer, everyday! Something that talk about patience and discipline. If it is to wait the time for a final act to never come, I am still in. It makes me believe good stuff. Things that helped me get my life to be so great. I need to find another way to live myself because something is not comfortable. Summer is coming and I will be energized by the sun. I will go for a new puzzle. I will start to think about it... I am not yet there...
The anesthesia was really strong and I was OUT. Nothing wrong has been seen in my stomach. Samples has been collected so now I am waiting for biopsy results. Then I will meet the doctor again to talk about it and tell me what is next about it. Then I will go to the GP to know what else is going to follow. I am also suppose to have ultrasound later and maybe a little surgery. I am still waiting for an appointment with a psychiatrist. I am also waiting a call from a family doctor. So from my gastroscopy, nothing has been found... Well that was for my abdominal pain. To be continued... I need to see ultrasound of my liver to know if it is really recovered from drinking too much. I also want a good opinion regard to my gallstones. I also want to be checked for parasite but with an endoscopy. I think I have something inside eating me alive. More and more within the past years I felt like I was getting drained by something. It is embarrassing to talk about but if it is the case well... I think I may want it out! I am going to call the clinic today to see if I can see the psychiatrist this month. For confirmation of my diagnosis. I could even request a assessment to reassess my diagnosis. But I could risk things... From what I remember aliens told me that I am schizophrenic so... I think this won't go away. But there is a missing detail with that psychiatric answer. To be continued... That is pretty much it! Now let talk inspiration and future. For that day I will be healthy and all I will be able to handle. I feel the future and how strong and stable I will be. I know that ahead is beautiful for those that believe it. When you say you hope to do good with or without power, it is how you start to have power on your own life. I will play the game until it gets real. I hope it will get real before I die and try again... It doesn't matter I am soul bound to a lot of people and we always find each other. The way someone make me feel is unique to everyone. How I feel with someone is a signature, like a digit print. I know which is here the most for me and doing the worse and harder. I am a happy alien even if I complain a lot. Larva style! I start to have the joy of living because survival is over. :)
There are time I wish I could write that space feeling that I have in time. Something from beyond is rocking me sweet and I deeply have confidence. I believe in destiny. I believe in this impulse inside of never letting things going down. That flame that never dies that keep me going. Above my head there is not much to see but it is beautiful. When I look at my feet and where I walk then I do not step on shit. I forgot for a while... I have something that connect to another world and I can't see it. I can't see it but I can feel it, closer, closer and closer, everyday! Something that talk about patience and discipline. If it is to wait the time for a final act to never come, I am still in. It makes me believe good stuff. Things that helped me get my life to be so great. I need to find another way to live myself because something is not comfortable. Summer is coming and I will be energized by the sun. I will go for a new puzzle. I will start to think about it... I am not yet there...
03-31-2019 0020
I will soon start to rise and shine for real and good. I am waiting the right season to do so then it will be perfect and if I miss it then it is going to wait. But for now I run low on energy because I do not eat much. Also because I am not in the skin of a strong and healthy person yet and I am not going to rise and crash again. It is better that I respect the feeling of what I can do even if it is not much. Later I will be back on it and on top of it. I just need some time. I am not showing much but I am giving a lot of efforts within myself. Because I hope it will fix some of my issues to spend time there will I can. My memory is something that fades out because my life is a trip from a reality to another one and yes sometime I do have to heal myself and charge my battery. Right now it is not healthy what I am doing and I wish that I could really just stop the shit for good. You know just listen to what I am told and totally doing it. Including not smoking weed but I feel this one as an Heart breaker and I am trying to figure out why. Maybe because it would push me in an artistic blank for a while. It would be a black out since I would not stay on a line to write something creative. Even if it is not telling you much, at least if a mystery is the next phrase to keep you reading. Be it! I love doing that but I feel like without my creative blazing I am just boring or bored. I think I am bored when I am being healthy because of my culture. I have been promoting old school unhealthy lifestyle a while so it is written in me. I have to build a modern perception in which it is all bad the poison that I grew up desiring and loving. It is a fight and it all start in my head and if I can first abuse to make me sick of it then I take the lesson. I want to quit because I am done stopping. But for that I must work my mind. I must develop an ''anti-poison'' mentality that will bring me to eat vegetables and drink fruit juice. A good steak always of course... IT is just to say that I have more than just an addiction for cannabis unlikely to the other vices like cigarettes and alcohol. I have feelings and philosophical beliefs. I feel more spiritually connected and psychologically active. It makes my brain having more ideas and quicker. Maybe that is only being inspired? I have more inspirations when I smoke weed and my atoms dance under the music I listen and the whole clip comes to my mind. I see the world from the feeling given by the artists. I can love as much as hate the drop... I want to be interesting... It is a matter of sharing something that will help somehow. In the case that nothing of all I got is real then this is serious case of documentation of a schizophrenia. It is a illness said as ''well studied'' so I am not bringing any serious new progress with my case but at least I can set myself as example that the system can work when you use it for your good sake. In my case it was the system to take care of me or just dying mouth open on the sidewalk... People can say whatever they want in that world of conspiracies, here where I am if the system did not back me up I was dead. I do not approve all of it but at least all can tell that is not all bad and it saves unfortunate people. In a world of powerful rich that does not know my name because I ain't got the cash in the wallet. The real deal and actors of this world does not mind me at all and they probably never heard of my existence because I am just a Canadian number in the records. I was to be left dying but I went to the governmental office and even if I barely had enough to stay alive, I had what I need to slack and survive. The system does not provide enough for a normal being but I consider myself trained my some mysterious forces and even cheated sometime I think. The system is a good support around the middle class and a little bit below. But the lower class would say that it must give more. I am a community service guy. Community services can tell you the system does not provide enough for a living. Not even enough for a healthy surviving. Well that was in Québec. I am new to Alberta so I do not know how the system is here. The system I know from a world of anti-Canadian french separatist. Now it is the good western Canada so I hope it will show better. Actually so far I find it greater than I knew before in another province. Whatever... I got much to do! Trolling the system? I don't know but right now I need the system and the people that works for it, the workers, I trust them. Do they trust the system that pay them? Do they agree with it? They get their living and just like me they deal with it because it is the organization in position. I would replace it by a better one for all of us especially for them. But not destroy it... I do not believe in anarchy anymore. I believe that we need a system. The human system is changing so I will not yet judge humanity. Anyway why would I need to judge? But I meant making my opinion. So far the system helped me even if it was not much, it was just enough to make it. I can live with the system and if something is going on to improve it then I will happily participate. If the system is being replaced by something else I will work on the development of the new thing and adapt myself to the new reality that comes with it. I am not anymore the mad militant. I can't find any fights anymore to make any enemies because I have a wife and a kid. I want to put myself into the neutral ground where the contribution is away from the fights and conflict. I do still sometime feel beefing but I think there is a lot of games I can play to spit it out. I do not want to change things but I want to make them better...
1442
I don't know why I need so much to write even when I have nothing to say. Things are taking a good direction and hopefully soon the train will be back on track. I feel my slump does not end at all. I am not doing much and I feel worthless. I feel the fraction of the man I could be. I am so tired from something unidentified. I will keep going forward, one thing at a time. Tomorrow it will be checked for my stomach. So things will have a sense that I hope will be more clear. I enjoy the present and the future is going to be a lot better. It is just a matter of time and we will see what is happening. I believe in the future that I will go back to the cosmic being that I supposedly am. I need to walk in my skin a while because I am getting too far out to be healthy and that is not good. It is not a big act season. It is just the growth of a different summer. If summer is good autumn is restful and winter not a rush. Last summer was having a new born baby which was not the easy part, after the hospital and then a hard winter that does not end. Summer will be good for real and a little bit easier. Because I will probably be more stable and energized. The baby will be older and greater at busying himself. There will be a little bit more money. I will love the few rainy day and remember a long time ago. I will be clean and driving a car. I have to see things on that eyes. I do not drink and I am stop smoking so... That leave it to a better health and more money for the other projects. We are investing in our personal situation here so it does not show anywhere on the public. In a while I will start to invest on Xeno. This spring is going to be a good transition and I am getting close to what I need to shine. I want to be good so I give and do good! This is for next summer when the sun will warm us up and we will be home all windows open enjoying the heat and light clothing. Not like now that just looking outside make me want wear a jacket and even if it is already March. But it is North America so...
I will soon start to rise and shine for real and good. I am waiting the right season to do so then it will be perfect and if I miss it then it is going to wait. But for now I run low on energy because I do not eat much. Also because I am not in the skin of a strong and healthy person yet and I am not going to rise and crash again. It is better that I respect the feeling of what I can do even if it is not much. Later I will be back on it and on top of it. I just need some time. I am not showing much but I am giving a lot of efforts within myself. Because I hope it will fix some of my issues to spend time there will I can. My memory is something that fades out because my life is a trip from a reality to another one and yes sometime I do have to heal myself and charge my battery. Right now it is not healthy what I am doing and I wish that I could really just stop the shit for good. You know just listen to what I am told and totally doing it. Including not smoking weed but I feel this one as an Heart breaker and I am trying to figure out why. Maybe because it would push me in an artistic blank for a while. It would be a black out since I would not stay on a line to write something creative. Even if it is not telling you much, at least if a mystery is the next phrase to keep you reading. Be it! I love doing that but I feel like without my creative blazing I am just boring or bored. I think I am bored when I am being healthy because of my culture. I have been promoting old school unhealthy lifestyle a while so it is written in me. I have to build a modern perception in which it is all bad the poison that I grew up desiring and loving. It is a fight and it all start in my head and if I can first abuse to make me sick of it then I take the lesson. I want to quit because I am done stopping. But for that I must work my mind. I must develop an ''anti-poison'' mentality that will bring me to eat vegetables and drink fruit juice. A good steak always of course... IT is just to say that I have more than just an addiction for cannabis unlikely to the other vices like cigarettes and alcohol. I have feelings and philosophical beliefs. I feel more spiritually connected and psychologically active. It makes my brain having more ideas and quicker. Maybe that is only being inspired? I have more inspirations when I smoke weed and my atoms dance under the music I listen and the whole clip comes to my mind. I see the world from the feeling given by the artists. I can love as much as hate the drop... I want to be interesting... It is a matter of sharing something that will help somehow. In the case that nothing of all I got is real then this is serious case of documentation of a schizophrenia. It is a illness said as ''well studied'' so I am not bringing any serious new progress with my case but at least I can set myself as example that the system can work when you use it for your good sake. In my case it was the system to take care of me or just dying mouth open on the sidewalk... People can say whatever they want in that world of conspiracies, here where I am if the system did not back me up I was dead. I do not approve all of it but at least all can tell that is not all bad and it saves unfortunate people. In a world of powerful rich that does not know my name because I ain't got the cash in the wallet. The real deal and actors of this world does not mind me at all and they probably never heard of my existence because I am just a Canadian number in the records. I was to be left dying but I went to the governmental office and even if I barely had enough to stay alive, I had what I need to slack and survive. The system does not provide enough for a normal being but I consider myself trained my some mysterious forces and even cheated sometime I think. The system is a good support around the middle class and a little bit below. But the lower class would say that it must give more. I am a community service guy. Community services can tell you the system does not provide enough for a living. Not even enough for a healthy surviving. Well that was in Québec. I am new to Alberta so I do not know how the system is here. The system I know from a world of anti-Canadian french separatist. Now it is the good western Canada so I hope it will show better. Actually so far I find it greater than I knew before in another province. Whatever... I got much to do! Trolling the system? I don't know but right now I need the system and the people that works for it, the workers, I trust them. Do they trust the system that pay them? Do they agree with it? They get their living and just like me they deal with it because it is the organization in position. I would replace it by a better one for all of us especially for them. But not destroy it... I do not believe in anarchy anymore. I believe that we need a system. The human system is changing so I will not yet judge humanity. Anyway why would I need to judge? But I meant making my opinion. So far the system helped me even if it was not much, it was just enough to make it. I can live with the system and if something is going on to improve it then I will happily participate. If the system is being replaced by something else I will work on the development of the new thing and adapt myself to the new reality that comes with it. I am not anymore the mad militant. I can't find any fights anymore to make any enemies because I have a wife and a kid. I want to put myself into the neutral ground where the contribution is away from the fights and conflict. I do still sometime feel beefing but I think there is a lot of games I can play to spit it out. I do not want to change things but I want to make them better...
1442
I don't know why I need so much to write even when I have nothing to say. Things are taking a good direction and hopefully soon the train will be back on track. I feel my slump does not end at all. I am not doing much and I feel worthless. I feel the fraction of the man I could be. I am so tired from something unidentified. I will keep going forward, one thing at a time. Tomorrow it will be checked for my stomach. So things will have a sense that I hope will be more clear. I enjoy the present and the future is going to be a lot better. It is just a matter of time and we will see what is happening. I believe in the future that I will go back to the cosmic being that I supposedly am. I need to walk in my skin a while because I am getting too far out to be healthy and that is not good. It is not a big act season. It is just the growth of a different summer. If summer is good autumn is restful and winter not a rush. Last summer was having a new born baby which was not the easy part, after the hospital and then a hard winter that does not end. Summer will be good for real and a little bit easier. Because I will probably be more stable and energized. The baby will be older and greater at busying himself. There will be a little bit more money. I will love the few rainy day and remember a long time ago. I will be clean and driving a car. I have to see things on that eyes. I do not drink and I am stop smoking so... That leave it to a better health and more money for the other projects. We are investing in our personal situation here so it does not show anywhere on the public. In a while I will start to invest on Xeno. This spring is going to be a good transition and I am getting close to what I need to shine. I want to be good so I give and do good! This is for next summer when the sun will warm us up and we will be home all windows open enjoying the heat and light clothing. Not like now that just looking outside make me want wear a jacket and even if it is already March. But it is North America so...
03-30-2019 2007
Instead of flooding the disclosure network with personal stuff that is nothing new, I will write here. Monday I will have the stomach doctor so I will know what is going on down the belly. I will also write other things so just I am not bothering with the fact that I want to write but I have nothing to write about. I will write to write... I have reached over 2000 posts on aliendisc! So now I will give a break to the forum and will act as moderator. I will try to help keeping a minimum of activity until it gets really busy. Whatever... I now know that I got to be human for the best of my interests. No matter what is the alien connection I got. I know there is a blank in my mind and I feel a past I can't remember. I will go through it and one thing at a time I will move forward. Because you need to find another way when you find yourself dazed and confused. My mind is going blind that is not right. I can't fade when I am being a dad and a husband. I will just keep walking and thinking of what I need to get better. I hope for good music that will not fuck my head the bad way... People know that I am a weirdo but I am not the only one. We are an army all around the world and we believe in our experiences. It is not a freak show... It is people, real people that want to know. We see something and we want to open our eyes to it and see more. Who is watching? Them or us? Lately a friend spoke up and I pretty much screwed up. But I remember when I remembered years ago and went against the machine and how scared I was to live. I was stuck outside unprotected and finally nothing bad happened to me. I think though that I could hurt myself homeless in the middle of winter. Maybe it is what saved my life even if I did not walk far. I think if I was not doing it they would have struck me down anyway. At that moment they can read mind already so they know more about me than myself. I don't think they can impress me after being a surprise. I know the kind of technologies we are dealing with and the people playing with it. They know who I am, where I am and what I am. That is not a secret and it is the same for all of us. It is the era of mass surveillance... But when they move to you and talk in person things get to be serious at a different level. I wished I was not so much following the learning from a friend of the past. I understand what it can be but it is a temporary feeling and how I felt did not change what they did or didn't do. I have let myself feel good and confident through my fears because I was scared not to make it and to die. More scared I was, stronger I made myself so I started to be happy and proud so there I was standing against the machine. Feeling good is the best because feeling fear is not making you stronger if you are scared of it! It sounds crazy but I was awarded by a strange driver that picked me up real good time on the hot spot for a ride through hell and up to the sky before crashing back to Earth. Dropped where I asked to run away with one smoke I made it for Christmas! Simple and he said that I am crazy. Back there where I am from they said I am a real one. On the job I do it! Here on my journal it is for those that really want to read something more consistent. But it takes a lot of writing!
2331
I could be doing something better than writing for strangers but I feel the groove on the internet. I am waiting for progress in my situation. Starting by my health and then my finances. Also the weather will help all of us and we will walk together as a family to take some good sun. It is just a matter of time for improvement and after all this time I think I have learnt that it is time to chill and wait. It is my time again to wait. I am trying to disconnect from my alien story and reconnect to my human self and the reality I am force to use to make my show. My show is being human so you know my value when I am one like you with not much more and the hard way to earn it. I will be more active here because it is my rules. I do not have much alien to share so I will be more concrete. Monday I will have a camera in the mouth and hopefully they will figure out what is going on. That is the next point. After then a family doctor and a psychiatrist to figure out what else is going on with my visual observations. I will leave the scene of a bigger stage for a smaller but personal one, for a while. Because I feel like I have a lot to write and I am late actually! But it is not related to UFO, Alien or paranormal then... I need a place to write the personal related content. I am going to document my case by writing my present but since I got no alien stories for now I will go human until they reactivate my alien mindset. I am leaving more pieces of my puzzle. But I need to throw something where I will not be interrupted by random posters that will comment the length of my text instead of the content. Here I feel safe of mood breakers and bummers... People reading here are following something smaller that may even be closer. I have advertised it a while ago and it is still on the disclosure network. There is still some random readers here but I think some close people have a look at that page every now and then. Because they know that is a way I give news, even if I do not advertise it often. I do not like to link my real ID to my online ID. But I like my people to have news even if I feel I have nothing to say. Nothing to say but everything to write! If I do not pay attention to my human vessel, I will get a lot more sick than I already am. I have to take care of my vessel if I want to be good and strong. Because throwing the alien testimony was a great connection to another world but it cost me something because after a short wellness I started to feel even more obsessed and tired. More and more tired everyday so if I think human I feel it gives me a break. I can be hurt when I eat and I do not really feel hunger. I damaged my liver with alcohol and I do not want to know about my lungs. I got gallstones probably from fast food... I am only 29 and I got some issues here. I got work and efforts to do if I want to be healthy and it is not to think about the alien I was before if it is real. I have to take care of the biological entity I use to travel in this dimensional world. Above there is time to manipulate as much as I can do of my present until I can exploit more at the same moment. But I am straight in the present of a physical world that gives me the joys and pains of a biological entity used as a vessel. I am walking on Earth and I think it means something for many people. I am doing what I have to do because I believe in the mission. It is a beautiful journey if I do the right choices. The ones that will not make me an alien yet but a happy healthy married dad. For that reality that I care about because it is as beautiful and actually a lot less scary. I already hear a lot of people saying some bystanders ''I told you'' or ''We knew it'' to call me a fake or a liar again... Just because I shared something I was given to me by an external force Well that is what I believe and I hope my beliefs gives good to someone else.
Instead of flooding the disclosure network with personal stuff that is nothing new, I will write here. Monday I will have the stomach doctor so I will know what is going on down the belly. I will also write other things so just I am not bothering with the fact that I want to write but I have nothing to write about. I will write to write... I have reached over 2000 posts on aliendisc! So now I will give a break to the forum and will act as moderator. I will try to help keeping a minimum of activity until it gets really busy. Whatever... I now know that I got to be human for the best of my interests. No matter what is the alien connection I got. I know there is a blank in my mind and I feel a past I can't remember. I will go through it and one thing at a time I will move forward. Because you need to find another way when you find yourself dazed and confused. My mind is going blind that is not right. I can't fade when I am being a dad and a husband. I will just keep walking and thinking of what I need to get better. I hope for good music that will not fuck my head the bad way... People know that I am a weirdo but I am not the only one. We are an army all around the world and we believe in our experiences. It is not a freak show... It is people, real people that want to know. We see something and we want to open our eyes to it and see more. Who is watching? Them or us? Lately a friend spoke up and I pretty much screwed up. But I remember when I remembered years ago and went against the machine and how scared I was to live. I was stuck outside unprotected and finally nothing bad happened to me. I think though that I could hurt myself homeless in the middle of winter. Maybe it is what saved my life even if I did not walk far. I think if I was not doing it they would have struck me down anyway. At that moment they can read mind already so they know more about me than myself. I don't think they can impress me after being a surprise. I know the kind of technologies we are dealing with and the people playing with it. They know who I am, where I am and what I am. That is not a secret and it is the same for all of us. It is the era of mass surveillance... But when they move to you and talk in person things get to be serious at a different level. I wished I was not so much following the learning from a friend of the past. I understand what it can be but it is a temporary feeling and how I felt did not change what they did or didn't do. I have let myself feel good and confident through my fears because I was scared not to make it and to die. More scared I was, stronger I made myself so I started to be happy and proud so there I was standing against the machine. Feeling good is the best because feeling fear is not making you stronger if you are scared of it! It sounds crazy but I was awarded by a strange driver that picked me up real good time on the hot spot for a ride through hell and up to the sky before crashing back to Earth. Dropped where I asked to run away with one smoke I made it for Christmas! Simple and he said that I am crazy. Back there where I am from they said I am a real one. On the job I do it! Here on my journal it is for those that really want to read something more consistent. But it takes a lot of writing!
2331
I could be doing something better than writing for strangers but I feel the groove on the internet. I am waiting for progress in my situation. Starting by my health and then my finances. Also the weather will help all of us and we will walk together as a family to take some good sun. It is just a matter of time for improvement and after all this time I think I have learnt that it is time to chill and wait. It is my time again to wait. I am trying to disconnect from my alien story and reconnect to my human self and the reality I am force to use to make my show. My show is being human so you know my value when I am one like you with not much more and the hard way to earn it. I will be more active here because it is my rules. I do not have much alien to share so I will be more concrete. Monday I will have a camera in the mouth and hopefully they will figure out what is going on. That is the next point. After then a family doctor and a psychiatrist to figure out what else is going on with my visual observations. I will leave the scene of a bigger stage for a smaller but personal one, for a while. Because I feel like I have a lot to write and I am late actually! But it is not related to UFO, Alien or paranormal then... I need a place to write the personal related content. I am going to document my case by writing my present but since I got no alien stories for now I will go human until they reactivate my alien mindset. I am leaving more pieces of my puzzle. But I need to throw something where I will not be interrupted by random posters that will comment the length of my text instead of the content. Here I feel safe of mood breakers and bummers... People reading here are following something smaller that may even be closer. I have advertised it a while ago and it is still on the disclosure network. There is still some random readers here but I think some close people have a look at that page every now and then. Because they know that is a way I give news, even if I do not advertise it often. I do not like to link my real ID to my online ID. But I like my people to have news even if I feel I have nothing to say. Nothing to say but everything to write! If I do not pay attention to my human vessel, I will get a lot more sick than I already am. I have to take care of my vessel if I want to be good and strong. Because throwing the alien testimony was a great connection to another world but it cost me something because after a short wellness I started to feel even more obsessed and tired. More and more tired everyday so if I think human I feel it gives me a break. I can be hurt when I eat and I do not really feel hunger. I damaged my liver with alcohol and I do not want to know about my lungs. I got gallstones probably from fast food... I am only 29 and I got some issues here. I got work and efforts to do if I want to be healthy and it is not to think about the alien I was before if it is real. I have to take care of the biological entity I use to travel in this dimensional world. Above there is time to manipulate as much as I can do of my present until I can exploit more at the same moment. But I am straight in the present of a physical world that gives me the joys and pains of a biological entity used as a vessel. I am walking on Earth and I think it means something for many people. I am doing what I have to do because I believe in the mission. It is a beautiful journey if I do the right choices. The ones that will not make me an alien yet but a happy healthy married dad. For that reality that I care about because it is as beautiful and actually a lot less scary. I already hear a lot of people saying some bystanders ''I told you'' or ''We knew it'' to call me a fake or a liar again... Just because I shared something I was given to me by an external force Well that is what I believe and I hope my beliefs gives good to someone else.
12-27-2018 1801
Well Christmas is over but it is still to celebrate the new year. The big rush is mostly done and the stress behind. I will set-up my things and then decide what will be my next move, officialy. But first I have to go fishy and transform into something else and leave the alien on the side a while. I will report here sometimes but, again, for a chronicle I am moving. I am bored of terran so I will see what's down deep the depth of oceans. I mean it when I say that I am going to be fishy, all the way! Deep inside I am still an alien but I decided to change my form for being something else the time of a break. I am metamorphosing into another creature. This is an temporary staged evolution that I will give myself. That larvae that I am can turn into something else and go back to larvae stage to change into something else again. I am going to be fishy for a good swim and I hope some big catch! The only thing is that I will be kind of offline for a while so... I will probably go on paper for a while then I might have transcription later on but I am not going to show much activity on the internet, that is the plan for my next moves. I want to make things clear and solid about my mental condition and what it can do to my baby boy if I am not careful with it. I want the best for him and I am doing that to go there again even if I do not really want. I want to get documentations that say the facts about me and my biological condition. There are many tests I want to be ran on me and I have other things to have checked up. I am not sick right now, I have been a bit during celebrations but I am doing fine enough to be home so it will not be easy to get there and stay long enough to earn the tests. Some of them are hard to get and the waiting list is long and the doctor must build a medical case to support their request. The PET scan is something that must be granted by medical administration and if it is accepted it can take a while on the waiting list or the appointment far ahead. I was told a couple of month. The MRI I am not sure what is different than the CT scan. I had a CT scan saying I am fine, nothing to report, all normal. I heard MRI is about the same but I am not sure. There is also that test of brain activity that has colors in wich there is typical signature of schizophrenia in wich can be seen the presence of that illness. I want proofs that I have the right diagnosis. I can always request a assessment or reassessment, I am not sure. Or just find any doctor that doesn't know about it and see if they say the same. I have no proofs I am an alien soul in that body and I am actually gonna prove how human my body is but I want to prove I am not sick or insane. That what I say is not from any mental condition. I hate to be going fishy for how I will pay my stay but I am going to be a damned fucking fishy alien on the lose.
Well Christmas is over but it is still to celebrate the new year. The big rush is mostly done and the stress behind. I will set-up my things and then decide what will be my next move, officialy. But first I have to go fishy and transform into something else and leave the alien on the side a while. I will report here sometimes but, again, for a chronicle I am moving. I am bored of terran so I will see what's down deep the depth of oceans. I mean it when I say that I am going to be fishy, all the way! Deep inside I am still an alien but I decided to change my form for being something else the time of a break. I am metamorphosing into another creature. This is an temporary staged evolution that I will give myself. That larvae that I am can turn into something else and go back to larvae stage to change into something else again. I am going to be fishy for a good swim and I hope some big catch! The only thing is that I will be kind of offline for a while so... I will probably go on paper for a while then I might have transcription later on but I am not going to show much activity on the internet, that is the plan for my next moves. I want to make things clear and solid about my mental condition and what it can do to my baby boy if I am not careful with it. I want the best for him and I am doing that to go there again even if I do not really want. I want to get documentations that say the facts about me and my biological condition. There are many tests I want to be ran on me and I have other things to have checked up. I am not sick right now, I have been a bit during celebrations but I am doing fine enough to be home so it will not be easy to get there and stay long enough to earn the tests. Some of them are hard to get and the waiting list is long and the doctor must build a medical case to support their request. The PET scan is something that must be granted by medical administration and if it is accepted it can take a while on the waiting list or the appointment far ahead. I was told a couple of month. The MRI I am not sure what is different than the CT scan. I had a CT scan saying I am fine, nothing to report, all normal. I heard MRI is about the same but I am not sure. There is also that test of brain activity that has colors in wich there is typical signature of schizophrenia in wich can be seen the presence of that illness. I want proofs that I have the right diagnosis. I can always request a assessment or reassessment, I am not sure. Or just find any doctor that doesn't know about it and see if they say the same. I have no proofs I am an alien soul in that body and I am actually gonna prove how human my body is but I want to prove I am not sick or insane. That what I say is not from any mental condition. I hate to be going fishy for how I will pay my stay but I am going to be a damned fucking fishy alien on the lose.
12-20-2018 1958
I have been making up my mind about what is on my mind and it gets to see better how I can do it. It is a bit dirty and risky than general admission but it will do it. I am going to go intensive where I can be studied and I hope find answers somewhere about myself and what science think of it. It is not something I really feel good doing but I know that it is going to be enjoyable if I see things the right way. I always feel coward to do something like that but I think it is for good, for my son. Anyway that is not only what I got in my mind. I am done thinking of it like if the choice was not made. I am going back in a while. I do not know how I would be staying considerring I am doing well enough to stay outside. There is many things I can say that will give me my stay but probably not as long as I could want. This time I will be prepared for a productive stay. I am going to prepare a study and try to find where is the spot where they have the equipment to run some specific test. A university hospital should make it. That place is probably offering opportunities of study. I will study my own case and I will be living on the hotspot. They will give me medication, food I can eat without being sick, a safe bed to be knocked out by sedative and a 24/7 professional environment wich is made of trained staff taking notes of any observations to be reported to a doctor. The best spot to be studying my schizophrenia. If it ever stays to be that... Well I got to go have other things in my mind!
I have been making up my mind about what is on my mind and it gets to see better how I can do it. It is a bit dirty and risky than general admission but it will do it. I am going to go intensive where I can be studied and I hope find answers somewhere about myself and what science think of it. It is not something I really feel good doing but I know that it is going to be enjoyable if I see things the right way. I always feel coward to do something like that but I think it is for good, for my son. Anyway that is not only what I got in my mind. I am done thinking of it like if the choice was not made. I am going back in a while. I do not know how I would be staying considerring I am doing well enough to stay outside. There is many things I can say that will give me my stay but probably not as long as I could want. This time I will be prepared for a productive stay. I am going to prepare a study and try to find where is the spot where they have the equipment to run some specific test. A university hospital should make it. That place is probably offering opportunities of study. I will study my own case and I will be living on the hotspot. They will give me medication, food I can eat without being sick, a safe bed to be knocked out by sedative and a 24/7 professional environment wich is made of trained staff taking notes of any observations to be reported to a doctor. The best spot to be studying my schizophrenia. If it ever stays to be that... Well I got to go have other things in my mind!
12-16-2018 ?
Thinking of that until the snailien is old enough to be home alone, I will not be able to go to the hospital and with shizophrenia well, going to the hospital get to be pretty regular sometimes. It freaks me out and I haven't think of it before. I have to be sure I am doing well before Tera goes back to work because when it will happen the only way to get to hospital is that she waste her vacation or days off. But who want vacation so just to be home alone while the husband is hospitalised. It can be a month. I see a risk that I may not be able to get the help I will need if I need it because I will have to stay home and planned an hospitalisation if we feel it is necessary or helpful enough to go for it. Maybe that is where I feel the need to go back because I have to make sure I am strong enough for a long run out of it. I am worried on that and I do not want to live in a life that I waste my wife's vacation being at the hospital. I want to spend her vacation with her at home but I do not feel that I can make it over 10 years without going there. Sometime I need it and it does help me. Also, I love it. It is like a laboratory of the mind with a lot of people willing to let one play in one other mind. When you show them result they haven't seen yet they are interested to see more and understand it. I show unseen sometimes every now and then. If you make things better there they will let you be and even go out there as long as you come back and you leave only when the paper is signed. The discharge... This is administrative in a hospital you have to be discharged if you want them away and under Alberta Mental Health Act you can get certified wich means you are not allowed to leave anymore and doing so will involve the law enforcement department. The thing is that I do not want to go there right now or neither do I really feel that I need it but the thing is that I will be a while kind of unable to go there unless I waste my wife's vacation and days off or aproved leave of absence. It can hurt her life because she works hard, she does and she deserve good vacation. Not to be home alone with our son with no help from me. Just chillin in the hospital with the others and some aliens and demons. Many demons around hospital. Big ones, you can actually meet an archangel around here. I want holidays with my wife, my son and my family so I am not yet on it but next time I will make sure that it is fine before I leave and I will do what I have to do that they keep me as long as I want or until Tera is back to work. I am going on a straight line soon in wich I will have a lot more to handle and I do not feel right that I may need Tera waste her vacation so I can go chill in the mental house with drugs for anything the doctors write so... I mean this is not something I hate to do, I actually enjoy it but I do not think yet it would be required but... I will be a while craving to be out of it because it will have to be planned and aproved by her employer so for wasting either the money of days off or the time of her vacation. I just feel like I have many reasons to get there and I probably will do it. Do what I have to do so they keep me until I tell them I am done. It will not be right but I will be there as long as the green light from me AND Tera is given and week-end pass has been well, more than one. I cannot take the risk to go to that, spend most of my days alone with a baby, unable to attend hospitalisation if required for over 10 years. I have to make sure I am strongly worked up up there in my head. I have to make it sure because I just see that I am taking a risk going to get such a beautiful life but that will all be about keeping the home clean and taking care of a baby. For it I feel like I must make it cleanest as time I have to make it stable and good. It maight be a must and it is not about not trusting myself. It is about knowing myself and that what is coming is that a part of my life will have restrictions such as attending hospitalisation when needed. I do not know but I see many reasons to get there again but not now. Psychiatric christmass is not something that I need to know and I do not feel celebrating as a inpatient on a pass. I want to know myself home with my people before I will have to get inside of there to make things clear one for good and this time I may not be allowed as much as I had before because the ways to force them to keep you aren't always clean and I may be dirty a little bit to have my stay the time I wish. But I want to try a different hospital. One to do all in once as quick as I can!
0316
I want to take a precaution for my wife and my kid. But for them I am not necessary a case of hospitalisation so I will have to prepare it to be sure they keep me. I do not mean to leave but the thing is that I may be cut off the world a while if I am not doing right to get there. But it is actualy not hard I just need a plan and it should not be too hard but a bit more of a fight and playing words to stay if I feel it is what must be but thinking that we won't be able to let our son home alone until he got the age for it... I have to make it sure so I can make that long drive and make it right and well. I am getting worried and I really feel that is right to make it sure and clear before we reache that day wich there will be no more choice than making it without it or wasting her vacation and days off. I am sad, I have to be honest, I am sad and depressed because even if it is enjoyable at some point because I get better and mentaly stronger, I am sad to be that... I have an illness and... You know. I have to be hospitalised by times. It makes me sad to see me growing older and seeing my mental condition going the way it goes and figuring out that there is no end to it. It just always come back and the hospitalisation make it to be a while more before it happens again. I know writing about it is not much of doing it but I got to make up my mind because it is not something I really want to do. I am looking and thinking doing it for the quality of the next 12 or 14 years. I do not know when it is it is going to be fine with us to leave him home alone so I can get hospitalised and Tera doesn't need to stop working or waste her vacation and days off. I haven't think of that... But I may have to stay more than a few weeks and maybe it will be 2 or 3 months before I get back home. I think that I know where I want to go but not sure if I am ready yet to do that. Do what I have to do so they cannot discharge me before I decide so. I may not have the privilege I had before. I do not know and this time I will not be visited because having rides won't happen so I will be missing my wife and my son like I never did. Am I making up my mind the right way? I do not know but I feel it is right to see things that way right now and I am embarassed to talk about so I write it. It is easier to write than to talk about it for me. I have to be left alone in my stuff and then I dig it and spit it out and more I am thinking about it more I think it makes sense what I believe right now. For my wife, my son and myself. I must make it sure and I know where to go for it!
0527
I hate that I feel coward thinking of that direction but this is what I see that I have to do with our society down here. I need this it is a reality, it can happen and for a while I won't be able to do so then... I am really worried to think about that and I want to be good for my son. I am far out and this can be a problem to a child development and I am aware of it. I can be good and I am monitored by the community services, I am fine. The thing is that I can get not to be fine and badly and I lose contact with reality it happens. There are many points on wich I have really low consciousness and I can mess up my kid by accident. At some moment of their age the development is really important for later on their life. People would think I am just a crazy on the lose that doesn't care. I went 6 time to the hospital because I care. I do not want to be there but it just happens... No matter what after the reptilian brainwash I do need that anyway. What's the damage? Someday I will have a report showing what they did to me. I will show it a few guys and one dude and always a couple bro. Once we all done enjoying it then it goes to the public. But something is not done or must be stronger and more stable.
Thinking of that until the snailien is old enough to be home alone, I will not be able to go to the hospital and with shizophrenia well, going to the hospital get to be pretty regular sometimes. It freaks me out and I haven't think of it before. I have to be sure I am doing well before Tera goes back to work because when it will happen the only way to get to hospital is that she waste her vacation or days off. But who want vacation so just to be home alone while the husband is hospitalised. It can be a month. I see a risk that I may not be able to get the help I will need if I need it because I will have to stay home and planned an hospitalisation if we feel it is necessary or helpful enough to go for it. Maybe that is where I feel the need to go back because I have to make sure I am strong enough for a long run out of it. I am worried on that and I do not want to live in a life that I waste my wife's vacation being at the hospital. I want to spend her vacation with her at home but I do not feel that I can make it over 10 years without going there. Sometime I need it and it does help me. Also, I love it. It is like a laboratory of the mind with a lot of people willing to let one play in one other mind. When you show them result they haven't seen yet they are interested to see more and understand it. I show unseen sometimes every now and then. If you make things better there they will let you be and even go out there as long as you come back and you leave only when the paper is signed. The discharge... This is administrative in a hospital you have to be discharged if you want them away and under Alberta Mental Health Act you can get certified wich means you are not allowed to leave anymore and doing so will involve the law enforcement department. The thing is that I do not want to go there right now or neither do I really feel that I need it but the thing is that I will be a while kind of unable to go there unless I waste my wife's vacation and days off or aproved leave of absence. It can hurt her life because she works hard, she does and she deserve good vacation. Not to be home alone with our son with no help from me. Just chillin in the hospital with the others and some aliens and demons. Many demons around hospital. Big ones, you can actually meet an archangel around here. I want holidays with my wife, my son and my family so I am not yet on it but next time I will make sure that it is fine before I leave and I will do what I have to do that they keep me as long as I want or until Tera is back to work. I am going on a straight line soon in wich I will have a lot more to handle and I do not feel right that I may need Tera waste her vacation so I can go chill in the mental house with drugs for anything the doctors write so... I mean this is not something I hate to do, I actually enjoy it but I do not think yet it would be required but... I will be a while craving to be out of it because it will have to be planned and aproved by her employer so for wasting either the money of days off or the time of her vacation. I just feel like I have many reasons to get there and I probably will do it. Do what I have to do so they keep me until I tell them I am done. It will not be right but I will be there as long as the green light from me AND Tera is given and week-end pass has been well, more than one. I cannot take the risk to go to that, spend most of my days alone with a baby, unable to attend hospitalisation if required for over 10 years. I have to make sure I am strongly worked up up there in my head. I have to make it sure because I just see that I am taking a risk going to get such a beautiful life but that will all be about keeping the home clean and taking care of a baby. For it I feel like I must make it cleanest as time I have to make it stable and good. It maight be a must and it is not about not trusting myself. It is about knowing myself and that what is coming is that a part of my life will have restrictions such as attending hospitalisation when needed. I do not know but I see many reasons to get there again but not now. Psychiatric christmass is not something that I need to know and I do not feel celebrating as a inpatient on a pass. I want to know myself home with my people before I will have to get inside of there to make things clear one for good and this time I may not be allowed as much as I had before because the ways to force them to keep you aren't always clean and I may be dirty a little bit to have my stay the time I wish. But I want to try a different hospital. One to do all in once as quick as I can!
0316
I want to take a precaution for my wife and my kid. But for them I am not necessary a case of hospitalisation so I will have to prepare it to be sure they keep me. I do not mean to leave but the thing is that I may be cut off the world a while if I am not doing right to get there. But it is actualy not hard I just need a plan and it should not be too hard but a bit more of a fight and playing words to stay if I feel it is what must be but thinking that we won't be able to let our son home alone until he got the age for it... I have to make it sure so I can make that long drive and make it right and well. I am getting worried and I really feel that is right to make it sure and clear before we reache that day wich there will be no more choice than making it without it or wasting her vacation and days off. I am sad, I have to be honest, I am sad and depressed because even if it is enjoyable at some point because I get better and mentaly stronger, I am sad to be that... I have an illness and... You know. I have to be hospitalised by times. It makes me sad to see me growing older and seeing my mental condition going the way it goes and figuring out that there is no end to it. It just always come back and the hospitalisation make it to be a while more before it happens again. I know writing about it is not much of doing it but I got to make up my mind because it is not something I really want to do. I am looking and thinking doing it for the quality of the next 12 or 14 years. I do not know when it is it is going to be fine with us to leave him home alone so I can get hospitalised and Tera doesn't need to stop working or waste her vacation and days off. I haven't think of that... But I may have to stay more than a few weeks and maybe it will be 2 or 3 months before I get back home. I think that I know where I want to go but not sure if I am ready yet to do that. Do what I have to do so they cannot discharge me before I decide so. I may not have the privilege I had before. I do not know and this time I will not be visited because having rides won't happen so I will be missing my wife and my son like I never did. Am I making up my mind the right way? I do not know but I feel it is right to see things that way right now and I am embarassed to talk about so I write it. It is easier to write than to talk about it for me. I have to be left alone in my stuff and then I dig it and spit it out and more I am thinking about it more I think it makes sense what I believe right now. For my wife, my son and myself. I must make it sure and I know where to go for it!
0527
I hate that I feel coward thinking of that direction but this is what I see that I have to do with our society down here. I need this it is a reality, it can happen and for a while I won't be able to do so then... I am really worried to think about that and I want to be good for my son. I am far out and this can be a problem to a child development and I am aware of it. I can be good and I am monitored by the community services, I am fine. The thing is that I can get not to be fine and badly and I lose contact with reality it happens. There are many points on wich I have really low consciousness and I can mess up my kid by accident. At some moment of their age the development is really important for later on their life. People would think I am just a crazy on the lose that doesn't care. I went 6 time to the hospital because I care. I do not want to be there but it just happens... No matter what after the reptilian brainwash I do need that anyway. What's the damage? Someday I will have a report showing what they did to me. I will show it a few guys and one dude and always a couple bro. Once we all done enjoying it then it goes to the public. But something is not done or must be stronger and more stable.
12-14-2018 0948
I will be a bit more active on my website than aliendisc because people are pissing me off for nothing. Either the active people are irrelevant or because the ones that have something to say won't talk. Anyway this is not my matter now. I am looking to feel good with the fact that I will probably have to go again and I should do it before my wife get back to work after her maternity leave because I won't be able to do it after. I will have to stay home all the time and I am happy with that but time is running and if I want to be back at the hospital to see what is going on with me then... You know I have to do it before Tera go back to work. After that I won't be able to go to the hospital even if I need to so better doing it right when I can before it is not possible anymore. If it is not that I may have to leave for a while because I am not really doing that well with myself and it is not good for my kid and my wife. I will finish this for real... But there is still a place in my mind, a rumble in my head that I have something to finish and I may need the hospital because I have to take all my time on it. I will show them this time that I am not fonctional, I do not be... I do not want to say shit but there is a show I still have not done, the one showing what kind of alien I am and I will go where I will be properly studied. I hope my surrounding will be understanding and that I will have the support that I need to feel good doing so. I was not done and time is running out. Soon for like 12 or 14 years going to the hospital won't be possible. A long time that I will have to stay home because my wife will work and baby boy, well, we do not want him in a kindergarten so... I feel like I must be done for real and good before that time that will come that staying home will be necessary. More I am thinking of it more I see that right after holiday celebration, I am turning myself in again and I will make it that I stay the time that I need. All the time that I need!
1622
I have been feeling pretty distressed lately or lost, I do not know how to say it. I feel like there is something I must do, something simple and I would be alright the full line. But now I think I must restart something to make it done. I need space and time... I feel I could lose my family, my wife aand my son so I am freaking out a little bit and I think that there is something I should have done before and I wasted my time in the past not working on it. I have too much man! I now have to think about my next strike and what I will get better to spit out. More than saying Xeno the alien it will be Xeno the cosmic larvae. Something a bit more pure and closer to the chatacter but here I am the alien eh! On aliendisc I am Xeno and I am doing what I can to be it. More I am Xeno more good with myself I feel but I have to spit it out so it stop being an obsession or fanatism. This get to make me self-centered but I have to if I want to be good for others such as my wife and my son. I see that something is not right about me and I know it most of what people tell me. I am working on it but it takes time and patience. I have to make this in my life and really present but shut down the obsessions... Xeno is coming back, I am coming back but this time I will just be a larvae born in the cosmos. Xeno the larvae that will be something and I will leave it done and simple because once I will have been heard for all I got to say I will live in peace. Until then I am at war still and it is to speak my mind about what happened to me and what I believe now. I am just getting started and one day I will be setted up and start the real deal with contain to support my beliefs and other known people to quote. For now I am saying what I can and then I could start to work on it to be more professional and serious. The only thing that I do for now is to spit it out the way it comes to me abd later I will come back on my stuff and link to to other contain and people opinions. I feel sad to always feel I am not done dealing with my head and to think I am at war in my reality, my world, my life... Is there an end? I must do what I have to do!
I will be a bit more active on my website than aliendisc because people are pissing me off for nothing. Either the active people are irrelevant or because the ones that have something to say won't talk. Anyway this is not my matter now. I am looking to feel good with the fact that I will probably have to go again and I should do it before my wife get back to work after her maternity leave because I won't be able to do it after. I will have to stay home all the time and I am happy with that but time is running and if I want to be back at the hospital to see what is going on with me then... You know I have to do it before Tera go back to work. After that I won't be able to go to the hospital even if I need to so better doing it right when I can before it is not possible anymore. If it is not that I may have to leave for a while because I am not really doing that well with myself and it is not good for my kid and my wife. I will finish this for real... But there is still a place in my mind, a rumble in my head that I have something to finish and I may need the hospital because I have to take all my time on it. I will show them this time that I am not fonctional, I do not be... I do not want to say shit but there is a show I still have not done, the one showing what kind of alien I am and I will go where I will be properly studied. I hope my surrounding will be understanding and that I will have the support that I need to feel good doing so. I was not done and time is running out. Soon for like 12 or 14 years going to the hospital won't be possible. A long time that I will have to stay home because my wife will work and baby boy, well, we do not want him in a kindergarten so... I feel like I must be done for real and good before that time that will come that staying home will be necessary. More I am thinking of it more I see that right after holiday celebration, I am turning myself in again and I will make it that I stay the time that I need. All the time that I need!
1622
I have been feeling pretty distressed lately or lost, I do not know how to say it. I feel like there is something I must do, something simple and I would be alright the full line. But now I think I must restart something to make it done. I need space and time... I feel I could lose my family, my wife aand my son so I am freaking out a little bit and I think that there is something I should have done before and I wasted my time in the past not working on it. I have too much man! I now have to think about my next strike and what I will get better to spit out. More than saying Xeno the alien it will be Xeno the cosmic larvae. Something a bit more pure and closer to the chatacter but here I am the alien eh! On aliendisc I am Xeno and I am doing what I can to be it. More I am Xeno more good with myself I feel but I have to spit it out so it stop being an obsession or fanatism. This get to make me self-centered but I have to if I want to be good for others such as my wife and my son. I see that something is not right about me and I know it most of what people tell me. I am working on it but it takes time and patience. I have to make this in my life and really present but shut down the obsessions... Xeno is coming back, I am coming back but this time I will just be a larvae born in the cosmos. Xeno the larvae that will be something and I will leave it done and simple because once I will have been heard for all I got to say I will live in peace. Until then I am at war still and it is to speak my mind about what happened to me and what I believe now. I am just getting started and one day I will be setted up and start the real deal with contain to support my beliefs and other known people to quote. For now I am saying what I can and then I could start to work on it to be more professional and serious. The only thing that I do for now is to spit it out the way it comes to me abd later I will come back on my stuff and link to to other contain and people opinions. I feel sad to always feel I am not done dealing with my head and to think I am at war in my reality, my world, my life... Is there an end? I must do what I have to do!
12-13-2018 1131
I feel lately that I am not doing that well. Something is wrong either around or with me. I know I got to be careful in this time but I still feel like something is interfering with me. Either something out there or something from my deep inside mind. The past written and there is too much things I cannot stand anymore. I am not proud of myself... Here I go! I am trying to forget that I do not feel good and pretend that I do when I don't. Something is not fine and I am trying to find out what it is. I am happy and okay but something is not right inside of me. Something new that is showing up, a switching and maybe I am not the only one. Just like if I am feeling that I am going to be feeling broken for the last time but one for good. I have no reason to be down but I just feel like something is going to break inside of me and it is going to hurt a lot but it is for my own good. I feel that what is wrong is on purpose and this will be the last time. I do not know what will happen next but what is wrong with me will be gone after it. I do not want to hide no more and be scared of just saying what is true. I feel deeply something is really wrong around here and it is sad because things could be so much better and fine. I have to think and there are choices I may have to do that are hard but it is for our good. There is something I feel would help and I do not want it but me and Tera talk a lot about it and it gets to take over my mind to wonder, what about if it was really that the right thing? That would destroy me and I do not want it but something is wrong either with me or out there. I want to speak only the truth but many people would not like it. Especially in the public. I feel like I forgot to do something important and for it I may have to go. I did that many time before and it is not a problem but... I do not want to go away from my son and my wife. I feel I have to be home because my home is where my wife and my son are but I also feel that I am not doing well for some reason and I am fucking up things. I am always going lost and something tell me that there is something that is not working with me. I have a beautiful appartment and it makes a healthy home, I have a outstanding wife and a perfect baby boy. I have all I wanted and now it is like if for it there is something I still have to do. Something I haven't done before top earn that. Just like if I owe something to someone in time for getting what I wanted before I was doing what I had to do for it. I am talking job? Maybe... I feel like I was not done with what I was doing and I got to find myself where I can do it the way I do... I feel sad but I got something in my mind and I will not stop until it is done. That is my choice, my life and my future. The idea of a change to make it better for my son later. But right now I feel like I was stopped doing something that need to be done. I was not done... Really not and I said many times it would take years to get over it for good. I think that I must go do what I think I have to do because if I don't I will just stay a shitty person... I must obtain a dust of disclosure and I should really keep going. I should have not kill the public and connection to Xeno the Alien. I should have keep going and be done but I stopped so now the same that made me hospitalised two time is coming back again. It is important that people understand that it is me that has to tell when I am done. It is important not to make me say it so I am left alone in peace. I was not done... I do not feel good really not about how I made things in the past month. The way I stepped out of my business before it was time and it will be fucked up to repair. Sometime I really feel that I have to stop being scared of people reaction and just live myself. No matter how you name it, starseed or alien. I have to make the world to get over it. I am an alien and I disclose clues. I have a job and I do not care if it is not recognised!
2245
I must finish the research, the one of my own case and then I will know something real. I have to dig, still have to dig. Somewhere inside of myself there is one more thing to figure out, I feel it. I do not know that I know but I do not remember. Not yet and I have to work for it. I was thinking of the university and the hospital by it and I sneaked out last time. The day they will see truly how I am doing they probably will keep me more than a month and I wanted to be sure to be with my kid for holidays, my wife and her family for the joy of christmas. I can't be there and fuck myself and my new doctor doesn't seem seriously doing their job. The paper work at least is badly done. I want to be studied and finaly have doctors be sure what is it my problem. Can I just say that I think going back to the hospital eventualy would not be bad because I am still unstable and lost in this and I need more professional help and an controled environment to get back to it. Last time was good but I want to reach a university this time. I need people looking for something new or different and reconsidere my diagnosis. Next time I will be like I am home. Not properly fonctional... I want to be a good husband and a great dad but I still feel mentaly sick at some point. I got something wrong to spit out and I haven't finish doing it. The system was stupid and let me go back home before time and I thought too that I would be fine but no, I just can't deal with myself and I do not want a dad like that for my son. I want him to know that when a man is sick he has to get healed and it can be in a hospital. I am thinking of it because the reason why I went there two last time are just coming back. I can't stand myself, tolerate how I feel and think or deal with my anger, sometime a bit of rage and intolerence. I am getting to feel in distress because I see my wife stepping away from me because I am not good anymore, I am too tired of my situation and mental condition. I do not want to lose it for good and be a bad dad. I am thinking and I do not know what to do. Would it be running away? Maybe it is too soon to make it obvious but I feel like it is coming back. I just have something sick inside and I thought I got rid of it... I should have stayed longer last time? Maybe not, maybe multiple hospitalisation will be required before they get that I have to work on it there for a while. I love Tera my wife and Baby boy but I do not know anymore how to deal with myself and general life to be good for them. I am not bad but something let me think there is still a risk of going worse when I could have made a difference... Would it be running away? I look at myself and I know just see some tired man with no patience that get angry for nothing. I am tired... Tired not to get it what is my fucking problem and it is obsessing me. I do not want to go but I have to think of other people and I do not feel I am good to many of them anymore. I just got far away because I want my job done and it gave me troubles that no one will take as real because it is classified. I will not be treaten until I just told them the whole story and what is happening to me but to claim my alien being no matter how it is named. I do not want to go but I want to do what is right for my wife and my son. I want to be fonctional and stable. I feel I belong to be home and I deserve to be a good husband with his wife but if I do not want to ruin it and lose it maybe there is something I have to make done and it is to stop making my stay with help shorter than it should. I feel that I am still okay but soon I will have to go back anywayI feel like it would just be a couple month before I find myself forced to go. There are things that I can lose if I am being stupid like I am right now. I am just irritable, frustrated and mad all over the place. I tired of seeing myself going like that and I will lose it if I do not get help because if not it can happen that I will have to leave my home to be sure that my family is okay because with the diagnosis I have some people won't waste their time having me away from my wife and my kid if I turn bad for real. I want to be good...
2329
I like to study psychiatry and have a psychiatric treatment. It is like a mind training when you take it the right way and some medication it is drugs. I take Abilify and it wakes me up more than speed pills did. I just have to calibrate it and cheat. Most of medications is dope and a lot of shit but they do have good stuff when you try different products. I may have to admit that I am pro psychiatric and I would if I could be a psychiatrist. Well I am the doctor and I wish I could have a PhD in doctorology. Be real... Actualy I like to be a test subject and I will start to let them know that. I want to experiment on myself and they have good stuff. Pills and PhD it is a nice place to get better and be busy with what is taking me off my life: My obsession of figuring out what is me. Investigating my own case and studying it and yes I would like to give a university to have a schizophrenic to accept to be a test subject or a case for students that get around the unit. It is an interesting mental illness and rarely most cooperative with psychiatry in many case. But that may have changed... I want to be examined carefully and have opportunity of multiple doctors opinion. I want to be observed and studied and give answers so to get mine.
I feel lately that I am not doing that well. Something is wrong either around or with me. I know I got to be careful in this time but I still feel like something is interfering with me. Either something out there or something from my deep inside mind. The past written and there is too much things I cannot stand anymore. I am not proud of myself... Here I go! I am trying to forget that I do not feel good and pretend that I do when I don't. Something is not fine and I am trying to find out what it is. I am happy and okay but something is not right inside of me. Something new that is showing up, a switching and maybe I am not the only one. Just like if I am feeling that I am going to be feeling broken for the last time but one for good. I have no reason to be down but I just feel like something is going to break inside of me and it is going to hurt a lot but it is for my own good. I feel that what is wrong is on purpose and this will be the last time. I do not know what will happen next but what is wrong with me will be gone after it. I do not want to hide no more and be scared of just saying what is true. I feel deeply something is really wrong around here and it is sad because things could be so much better and fine. I have to think and there are choices I may have to do that are hard but it is for our good. There is something I feel would help and I do not want it but me and Tera talk a lot about it and it gets to take over my mind to wonder, what about if it was really that the right thing? That would destroy me and I do not want it but something is wrong either with me or out there. I want to speak only the truth but many people would not like it. Especially in the public. I feel like I forgot to do something important and for it I may have to go. I did that many time before and it is not a problem but... I do not want to go away from my son and my wife. I feel I have to be home because my home is where my wife and my son are but I also feel that I am not doing well for some reason and I am fucking up things. I am always going lost and something tell me that there is something that is not working with me. I have a beautiful appartment and it makes a healthy home, I have a outstanding wife and a perfect baby boy. I have all I wanted and now it is like if for it there is something I still have to do. Something I haven't done before top earn that. Just like if I owe something to someone in time for getting what I wanted before I was doing what I had to do for it. I am talking job? Maybe... I feel like I was not done with what I was doing and I got to find myself where I can do it the way I do... I feel sad but I got something in my mind and I will not stop until it is done. That is my choice, my life and my future. The idea of a change to make it better for my son later. But right now I feel like I was stopped doing something that need to be done. I was not done... Really not and I said many times it would take years to get over it for good. I think that I must go do what I think I have to do because if I don't I will just stay a shitty person... I must obtain a dust of disclosure and I should really keep going. I should have not kill the public and connection to Xeno the Alien. I should have keep going and be done but I stopped so now the same that made me hospitalised two time is coming back again. It is important that people understand that it is me that has to tell when I am done. It is important not to make me say it so I am left alone in peace. I was not done... I do not feel good really not about how I made things in the past month. The way I stepped out of my business before it was time and it will be fucked up to repair. Sometime I really feel that I have to stop being scared of people reaction and just live myself. No matter how you name it, starseed or alien. I have to make the world to get over it. I am an alien and I disclose clues. I have a job and I do not care if it is not recognised!
2245
I must finish the research, the one of my own case and then I will know something real. I have to dig, still have to dig. Somewhere inside of myself there is one more thing to figure out, I feel it. I do not know that I know but I do not remember. Not yet and I have to work for it. I was thinking of the university and the hospital by it and I sneaked out last time. The day they will see truly how I am doing they probably will keep me more than a month and I wanted to be sure to be with my kid for holidays, my wife and her family for the joy of christmas. I can't be there and fuck myself and my new doctor doesn't seem seriously doing their job. The paper work at least is badly done. I want to be studied and finaly have doctors be sure what is it my problem. Can I just say that I think going back to the hospital eventualy would not be bad because I am still unstable and lost in this and I need more professional help and an controled environment to get back to it. Last time was good but I want to reach a university this time. I need people looking for something new or different and reconsidere my diagnosis. Next time I will be like I am home. Not properly fonctional... I want to be a good husband and a great dad but I still feel mentaly sick at some point. I got something wrong to spit out and I haven't finish doing it. The system was stupid and let me go back home before time and I thought too that I would be fine but no, I just can't deal with myself and I do not want a dad like that for my son. I want him to know that when a man is sick he has to get healed and it can be in a hospital. I am thinking of it because the reason why I went there two last time are just coming back. I can't stand myself, tolerate how I feel and think or deal with my anger, sometime a bit of rage and intolerence. I am getting to feel in distress because I see my wife stepping away from me because I am not good anymore, I am too tired of my situation and mental condition. I do not want to lose it for good and be a bad dad. I am thinking and I do not know what to do. Would it be running away? Maybe it is too soon to make it obvious but I feel like it is coming back. I just have something sick inside and I thought I got rid of it... I should have stayed longer last time? Maybe not, maybe multiple hospitalisation will be required before they get that I have to work on it there for a while. I love Tera my wife and Baby boy but I do not know anymore how to deal with myself and general life to be good for them. I am not bad but something let me think there is still a risk of going worse when I could have made a difference... Would it be running away? I look at myself and I know just see some tired man with no patience that get angry for nothing. I am tired... Tired not to get it what is my fucking problem and it is obsessing me. I do not want to go but I have to think of other people and I do not feel I am good to many of them anymore. I just got far away because I want my job done and it gave me troubles that no one will take as real because it is classified. I will not be treaten until I just told them the whole story and what is happening to me but to claim my alien being no matter how it is named. I do not want to go but I want to do what is right for my wife and my son. I want to be fonctional and stable. I feel I belong to be home and I deserve to be a good husband with his wife but if I do not want to ruin it and lose it maybe there is something I have to make done and it is to stop making my stay with help shorter than it should. I feel that I am still okay but soon I will have to go back anywayI feel like it would just be a couple month before I find myself forced to go. There are things that I can lose if I am being stupid like I am right now. I am just irritable, frustrated and mad all over the place. I tired of seeing myself going like that and I will lose it if I do not get help because if not it can happen that I will have to leave my home to be sure that my family is okay because with the diagnosis I have some people won't waste their time having me away from my wife and my kid if I turn bad for real. I want to be good...
2329
I like to study psychiatry and have a psychiatric treatment. It is like a mind training when you take it the right way and some medication it is drugs. I take Abilify and it wakes me up more than speed pills did. I just have to calibrate it and cheat. Most of medications is dope and a lot of shit but they do have good stuff when you try different products. I may have to admit that I am pro psychiatric and I would if I could be a psychiatrist. Well I am the doctor and I wish I could have a PhD in doctorology. Be real... Actualy I like to be a test subject and I will start to let them know that. I want to experiment on myself and they have good stuff. Pills and PhD it is a nice place to get better and be busy with what is taking me off my life: My obsession of figuring out what is me. Investigating my own case and studying it and yes I would like to give a university to have a schizophrenic to accept to be a test subject or a case for students that get around the unit. It is an interesting mental illness and rarely most cooperative with psychiatry in many case. But that may have changed... I want to be examined carefully and have opportunity of multiple doctors opinion. I want to be observed and studied and give answers so to get mine.
11-14-2018 1728
Things are going to move soon. I heard of a load of ufo sightings lately. Seems some people want to show up a little bit. Next time it will be a lot more amazing! It is going to happen and it will be a shit load of them in the sky. It will be a nice show! But for now it is just a little teaser in the sky so some people look up while the action is on the ground. The sky is nice of a show sometime but it is just seeing something... Doing something as human it is mostly on the ground that it is going on. I see that as an indocator that it will be time soon to work a little bit and I know where I want to be for it. The frontline but safe enough to make it for the next stages. It is going to be something else that I think especially talking about the timings that are not as fast as I wish. But soon stage 4 of phase one that was going to be 10 years of messy shit and one last year of revelation. Revalation but slow, really slow! Then in Fall 2019 phase one will be done and it will be phase two. 15 phase plan. That is what I say so I will try to make it that way and if I am wrong then... We will see in 141 years where things are... 150 years of projects and gradual disclosure and revelation. This year will be amazing but it will piss me off by time especially that I am not allowed to see anything until the end of my contract. I will miss that show so I am not looking after it. My show, the one I can see is on the ground. I will try to place myself where there is action and real involvment in the community if things get nasty again like in fall 2014. This time I will not be the victim, I will be with the supporters and deal with a possible incoming mess. I hope I am wrong because I do not really want to see that project being reinitiated. Not because I think it would be bad like last try but because it takes a lot of time off home if it is the case and I still do not know what would be my actual position... Whatever I must show back in the community and have myself seen on the frontline. Because I want back some action in my life but also because the community can always use of my help. I am a good helper and supporter when I am into it and I respect or accept someone else reality and truth when it is not hurting me. Whatever I am just bored to sit my ass on my computer as main hobby. I want to go volunteer somewhere that it is active and helpful. So it is said so I will! I will find a place to volunteer that's it and it will be two or three days a week so I feel I am not just a worthless unemployed piece of shit...
Things are going to move soon. I heard of a load of ufo sightings lately. Seems some people want to show up a little bit. Next time it will be a lot more amazing! It is going to happen and it will be a shit load of them in the sky. It will be a nice show! But for now it is just a little teaser in the sky so some people look up while the action is on the ground. The sky is nice of a show sometime but it is just seeing something... Doing something as human it is mostly on the ground that it is going on. I see that as an indocator that it will be time soon to work a little bit and I know where I want to be for it. The frontline but safe enough to make it for the next stages. It is going to be something else that I think especially talking about the timings that are not as fast as I wish. But soon stage 4 of phase one that was going to be 10 years of messy shit and one last year of revelation. Revalation but slow, really slow! Then in Fall 2019 phase one will be done and it will be phase two. 15 phase plan. That is what I say so I will try to make it that way and if I am wrong then... We will see in 141 years where things are... 150 years of projects and gradual disclosure and revelation. This year will be amazing but it will piss me off by time especially that I am not allowed to see anything until the end of my contract. I will miss that show so I am not looking after it. My show, the one I can see is on the ground. I will try to place myself where there is action and real involvment in the community if things get nasty again like in fall 2014. This time I will not be the victim, I will be with the supporters and deal with a possible incoming mess. I hope I am wrong because I do not really want to see that project being reinitiated. Not because I think it would be bad like last try but because it takes a lot of time off home if it is the case and I still do not know what would be my actual position... Whatever I must show back in the community and have myself seen on the frontline. Because I want back some action in my life but also because the community can always use of my help. I am a good helper and supporter when I am into it and I respect or accept someone else reality and truth when it is not hurting me. Whatever I am just bored to sit my ass on my computer as main hobby. I want to go volunteer somewhere that it is active and helpful. So it is said so I will! I will find a place to volunteer that's it and it will be two or three days a week so I feel I am not just a worthless unemployed piece of shit...
11-11-2018 1108
Would be a good day to remember...
1904
I am really depressed and in a nicotine rush. I am trying to stop smoking but my mind is not willing of it. My body feel all tense and irritable. I know it is just a matter of time and it will pass but I need to relax and that is a challenge here. It feels weird in my eyes and it is really annoying me. I am one of those that doesn't have it easy with withdrawal symptoms. Good thing I don't go on the forum right now. I am depressed because I really enjoy smoking and it was my little life sparkle that kept me going in dark times. All I had that kept me going is now gone and I have not find anything to replace it so I feel lost. I do not enjoy much anymore because I all know to enjoy myself was taken off my life and it makes me pretty mad and easelly upset. I was from the street a little bit and the stuff that keep me standing are behind with no replacement that now I do not know what to take to keep me going standing proud and happy. I have a familly that keeps me alive and gives a reason to stay alive. But I miss that sparkle to start the flame. No more smoke and no more beer. Not at all, just none... Not even every now and then. I guess I will get used to it and over it but not yet. As a dad I am really acomplished and as a husband quite satisfied but as an individual I just do not enjoy myself anymore. All I know to stand myself is gone... I enjoy my life and my familly but I do not enjoy myself anymore. All I had to enjoy myself is gone, the alien too and now what left do I have? I just feel like a failure and nobody see it. But this is just a phase of nicotine withdrawal. I will get better even if I do not enjoy myself anymore. Someday I guess I will find something else but it is never gonna be the same.
Would be a good day to remember...
1904
I am really depressed and in a nicotine rush. I am trying to stop smoking but my mind is not willing of it. My body feel all tense and irritable. I know it is just a matter of time and it will pass but I need to relax and that is a challenge here. It feels weird in my eyes and it is really annoying me. I am one of those that doesn't have it easy with withdrawal symptoms. Good thing I don't go on the forum right now. I am depressed because I really enjoy smoking and it was my little life sparkle that kept me going in dark times. All I had that kept me going is now gone and I have not find anything to replace it so I feel lost. I do not enjoy much anymore because I all know to enjoy myself was taken off my life and it makes me pretty mad and easelly upset. I was from the street a little bit and the stuff that keep me standing are behind with no replacement that now I do not know what to take to keep me going standing proud and happy. I have a familly that keeps me alive and gives a reason to stay alive. But I miss that sparkle to start the flame. No more smoke and no more beer. Not at all, just none... Not even every now and then. I guess I will get used to it and over it but not yet. As a dad I am really acomplished and as a husband quite satisfied but as an individual I just do not enjoy myself anymore. All I know to stand myself is gone... I enjoy my life and my familly but I do not enjoy myself anymore. All I had to enjoy myself is gone, the alien too and now what left do I have? I just feel like a failure and nobody see it. But this is just a phase of nicotine withdrawal. I will get better even if I do not enjoy myself anymore. Someday I guess I will find something else but it is never gonna be the same.
11-09-2018 1813
I was not expecting the new xeno to go obsessed again so... I have to watch myself and really take care of my familly but I am being interrogated... People want answers, I have some but not the whole truth, not anymore. I felt the timeline switch a while ago and I think where I am now is going somewhere different where I have to be here for my familly more than for the public expecting answers from aliens. I have to fix my new character, xeno the contractee and find the help not to fall back into focusing on disclosure. I want back my dad being and focus on it but I still have too much in my head and I need regular time to writte on aliendisc, here and my paper journal as much as for social interraction. I do not want to lose my dad feeling just because I feel I still have a job to do for my contract. One year left so maybe I can just slack down. But my obsessions of making things done is hardcore and I feel I still have pending memory to be unblocked making me realise again that I am not done right after I thought I was. But... My contract never said I had to be so much into it. I just do not want to feel as bored as I have been in my life and I want to communicate to the world. I want to be done but I still have something to say, I just don't know yet what it is. I will know when it is time but for now my intentions are to stop that train in my head that just want to writte writte writte writte..... I need to find a way to manage that. I should make some sort of schedule for my own time to spend. I have to deal with that job that no one gives me to considere real and my real life familly that is my wife and my son but I am a hardworker and I want to finish this story quick even if I know that the plan timing is not up to me. We will see eventually but for now I have to cut off and shut down my obsession of writting and communicating that much...
I was not expecting the new xeno to go obsessed again so... I have to watch myself and really take care of my familly but I am being interrogated... People want answers, I have some but not the whole truth, not anymore. I felt the timeline switch a while ago and I think where I am now is going somewhere different where I have to be here for my familly more than for the public expecting answers from aliens. I have to fix my new character, xeno the contractee and find the help not to fall back into focusing on disclosure. I want back my dad being and focus on it but I still have too much in my head and I need regular time to writte on aliendisc, here and my paper journal as much as for social interraction. I do not want to lose my dad feeling just because I feel I still have a job to do for my contract. One year left so maybe I can just slack down. But my obsessions of making things done is hardcore and I feel I still have pending memory to be unblocked making me realise again that I am not done right after I thought I was. But... My contract never said I had to be so much into it. I just do not want to feel as bored as I have been in my life and I want to communicate to the world. I want to be done but I still have something to say, I just don't know yet what it is. I will know when it is time but for now my intentions are to stop that train in my head that just want to writte writte writte writte..... I need to find a way to manage that. I should make some sort of schedule for my own time to spend. I have to deal with that job that no one gives me to considere real and my real life familly that is my wife and my son but I am a hardworker and I want to finish this story quick even if I know that the plan timing is not up to me. We will see eventually but for now I have to cut off and shut down my obsession of writting and communicating that much...
11-08-2018 2309
It is done, I am done with the public alien being. Now I will be xeno the alien only for people that will message me privately. On the public I made a fake story to go back undercover. Now I am not claiming my alien soul anymore, it is over and it did not change anything. I wanted make people talk but actually I made them talk less. I feel a sad failure here... I feel dumb but anyway I leave it now and it will be for later again or someone else tomorrow. Xeno the alien is no public no more. Xeno the alien is now private business for personal and friendly relationship. For the true followers and nothing more. I was told so much crap so I am done with that hope of the good time to go public. I will create a new fiction, a human one and maybe speaking as human I will be heard more far...
It is done, I am done with the public alien being. Now I will be xeno the alien only for people that will message me privately. On the public I made a fake story to go back undercover. Now I am not claiming my alien soul anymore, it is over and it did not change anything. I wanted make people talk but actually I made them talk less. I feel a sad failure here... I feel dumb but anyway I leave it now and it will be for later again or someone else tomorrow. Xeno the alien is no public no more. Xeno the alien is now private business for personal and friendly relationship. For the true followers and nothing more. I was told so much crap so I am done with that hope of the good time to go public. I will create a new fiction, a human one and maybe speaking as human I will be heard more far...
11-04-2018 0650
I do not know anymore what I am suppose to say so the crowd get up on their feet and start talking. People are scared to be seen as crazy or delusional and since most of the experiencers doesn't have proofs... That is the funniest those that haven't been through anything ask for proofs and those that had an experience know that proofs are really rare and most of us doesn't have them. But maybe the proof is that we all together start sharing our story, all together in one voice saying what happened to us. I have my story and its truth, one piece of the puzzle and I hope soon others will give the world their piece of the puzzle so we can all get the big picture then we will know what it is we are suppose to do to wake up humanity, open their eyes to the world and open their mind to the concept of existence. I am here in this world for it but first of all I have to be a dad but I feel like this world will just screw him up like it did to me so I have to do something if I want my son to grow up in something better. I want all children to grow up in a world that will not srew them up. I am a father I know how it feels of thinking about the future of the next generations. I know how it feels to worry about the world not for my present but for tomorrow, the present of my kid. A lot of people they can blame me for paying so much attention to what I am doing but I have to make a difference before my son start walking and learn by himself when I turn my back and not here to protect me against the evil that is all around the place. I do not want my son doing his first steps on a ground of lie and bullshit in wich talking the truth is to be destroyed by the mass. He will be open minded and will see things more than other children because I will show him how to look at the world. The people, those in need, the sicks, the forsaken and cast away... I will show him what is bad in this world not in the way of saying world is shit but saying that good people they have to get working 24/7 because the situation require a lot of effort. I will not tolerate that my son will grow up in a sick civilisation that eat each other for a peanut. I do not have much time left... He is a baby but soon he will be a kid and the world will start its damage just like it did to all of us. I want to break that great wall that makes people quiet and scared. Some come and they say they know something and they claim the rules but the fact is that they are also scared. Other people are just not confortable or they think their story or testimony is not worth or interesting. Everyone is worth to be heard because we al hold a piece of an alien puzzle and it is the day we will all talk to each other no matter who we are, what we are and where we are from that we will understand. It is all together that we will find the truth while we all have a fragment of it. That is the way they have choosen to give us the truth: Unifying us! A lot of people they think they have the big picture and they know everything or more than everyone. Nobody does, not even me that wrotte the idea in the first place. I have my piece of the puzzle and my instructions and I have to make people understand that the time to be quiet, scared, unconfortable and worried is over. We just have to all together say something and over time learn to see how what everyone knoes is a part of the truth we are looking for. We all know more than we think... I know it is hard because nobody is starting and someone can start and not be followed by the rest and feel alone taking the shots and damn I know what I am talking about when I say that. I took a lot of shots from the public while the ghost readers could say something but they haven't broke their wall yet. We all have a wall to get over it and start talking and I know it is hard but it must be done to finally feel relieved and free. I talked and I was hurt, insulted and disrespected but it is done, I got over it by going through it and now I am stronger and I feel good and free. I am no longer scared what people they will think or say of my story and testimony. I am a free man and it is my right to tell the world what happened to me and what it made me believe of myself and the perception of the world it has given to me. I was really blocking out in the front of my wall and hearring from the people on the other side and I made my choice. I am now on the other side, those that talk and break the secrecy conspiracies even if it is hurting a lot or scary. I do not mind anymore being disrespected and insulted because I know now that I hold my part of the truth and when the rest will come to share like I did then, we will all know the real final truth planned for us. The one that there is only one way to get: Being one voice heard for good and all together we will support each other and protect each other. They can threaten to make you scared but they cannot kill the truth with a bullet...
0744
I was so scared to be nothing that I alienated myself but there is the truth, I am just a human with a strong motivation and all the pain I have been through was not for nothing. I know the future I will try to give to myself and the people that I want around me to get to fight for a better world the one we can only to together and if aliens still hide and lie so let them be a watcher and make this place a show that they will see we are one civilisation with a warm heart and deep inspirations. Let show them we are no more scared of their mind game meant to make us quiet and let be human to build a human world that will welcome them when they want but now they are playing with us and we do not have time to wait their contact and help. We have to start the fight by our own and reverse the machination. New leaders most take power and new borders must be drew on a map of our planet that will suit not the past we had that gave us the present we live. We will fuck the past and use the present to take another direction. We are going to take the future as destination. Yesterday we were scared whispers in the shadow of powerful oppressor but this was the last one. We will take back our freedom to live and take back our lands to build our home. We are human and this is our home even if we do not own it. I was born on Earth this is my home and it is my right to be free to be alive and it is my right to talk loud if something is wrong. It is time to talk and tell the world what is the truth about who is really screwing us up. It is time to have to true people to say how bad the time they had has been so the fooled believer of a good force above our head will fall and crash. A lot of spacepeople are good but the ones pulling the ropes have bad intentions and I know because they used me like a puppet for years while the sheep looking for power and superiority followed them. I fought and I had wins and losts but now it is time to stop the brainwash I was victim and go back being myself. I just had to leave the fiction. I am human and now I will make it real what I can, that's it. I hope we will all start to walk together. The good humans, the good reptilians and the good aliens are here and we will fight the evil machination that make our universe rotten and sick. All nations of good sake will be here for it and we will start a new world order. A world of love, respect, consideration and equality! A familly of us and them. The good aliens they always tell the good humans ''You are one of us'' and they told me that but they need all the troops, all the loving heart and positive soul to initiate a constructive plan and then we will crash the last oppressor! Then we will never let anyone forget who we are: We are the good people! And the good people from all over the universe are friends because it is how we are, we are good. Humans and aliens that want a clean world to raise their children. No good people want their kid to live in a world meant to struck them down, to screw their mind or to make them sick enslaved... I was wrong since the beginning and they knew I was not ready but I saw the future with aliens and I could never accept it: I saw me a human walking with aliens. I saw me as human because it is what I am and I thought that being human would make me worthless to them but I was wrong. I was worthless as delusional fictional alien that was born in a reptilian brainwash experimentation. If aliens doesn't want me then I will find the humans that are here for the planet and I will with them build a better world for my son to grow up! I am on a mission, that is not bullshit! I am on a father mission and then the cosmos will be for later...
1508
I am not sure anymore, I am in a transition phase in wich I switch from the fiction to the real world. I am done looking with those eyes that only bring me sickness and pain. I want to be a happy dad and great husband. I will go being human and go back on my human stuff until I am ready to go further on something. I will find an occupation somewhere and the cosmic being would be 1/10 of my time and for the rest I will be human because I am really tired of this story, this job...
I do not know anymore what I am suppose to say so the crowd get up on their feet and start talking. People are scared to be seen as crazy or delusional and since most of the experiencers doesn't have proofs... That is the funniest those that haven't been through anything ask for proofs and those that had an experience know that proofs are really rare and most of us doesn't have them. But maybe the proof is that we all together start sharing our story, all together in one voice saying what happened to us. I have my story and its truth, one piece of the puzzle and I hope soon others will give the world their piece of the puzzle so we can all get the big picture then we will know what it is we are suppose to do to wake up humanity, open their eyes to the world and open their mind to the concept of existence. I am here in this world for it but first of all I have to be a dad but I feel like this world will just screw him up like it did to me so I have to do something if I want my son to grow up in something better. I want all children to grow up in a world that will not srew them up. I am a father I know how it feels of thinking about the future of the next generations. I know how it feels to worry about the world not for my present but for tomorrow, the present of my kid. A lot of people they can blame me for paying so much attention to what I am doing but I have to make a difference before my son start walking and learn by himself when I turn my back and not here to protect me against the evil that is all around the place. I do not want my son doing his first steps on a ground of lie and bullshit in wich talking the truth is to be destroyed by the mass. He will be open minded and will see things more than other children because I will show him how to look at the world. The people, those in need, the sicks, the forsaken and cast away... I will show him what is bad in this world not in the way of saying world is shit but saying that good people they have to get working 24/7 because the situation require a lot of effort. I will not tolerate that my son will grow up in a sick civilisation that eat each other for a peanut. I do not have much time left... He is a baby but soon he will be a kid and the world will start its damage just like it did to all of us. I want to break that great wall that makes people quiet and scared. Some come and they say they know something and they claim the rules but the fact is that they are also scared. Other people are just not confortable or they think their story or testimony is not worth or interesting. Everyone is worth to be heard because we al hold a piece of an alien puzzle and it is the day we will all talk to each other no matter who we are, what we are and where we are from that we will understand. It is all together that we will find the truth while we all have a fragment of it. That is the way they have choosen to give us the truth: Unifying us! A lot of people they think they have the big picture and they know everything or more than everyone. Nobody does, not even me that wrotte the idea in the first place. I have my piece of the puzzle and my instructions and I have to make people understand that the time to be quiet, scared, unconfortable and worried is over. We just have to all together say something and over time learn to see how what everyone knoes is a part of the truth we are looking for. We all know more than we think... I know it is hard because nobody is starting and someone can start and not be followed by the rest and feel alone taking the shots and damn I know what I am talking about when I say that. I took a lot of shots from the public while the ghost readers could say something but they haven't broke their wall yet. We all have a wall to get over it and start talking and I know it is hard but it must be done to finally feel relieved and free. I talked and I was hurt, insulted and disrespected but it is done, I got over it by going through it and now I am stronger and I feel good and free. I am no longer scared what people they will think or say of my story and testimony. I am a free man and it is my right to tell the world what happened to me and what it made me believe of myself and the perception of the world it has given to me. I was really blocking out in the front of my wall and hearring from the people on the other side and I made my choice. I am now on the other side, those that talk and break the secrecy conspiracies even if it is hurting a lot or scary. I do not mind anymore being disrespected and insulted because I know now that I hold my part of the truth and when the rest will come to share like I did then, we will all know the real final truth planned for us. The one that there is only one way to get: Being one voice heard for good and all together we will support each other and protect each other. They can threaten to make you scared but they cannot kill the truth with a bullet...
0744
I was so scared to be nothing that I alienated myself but there is the truth, I am just a human with a strong motivation and all the pain I have been through was not for nothing. I know the future I will try to give to myself and the people that I want around me to get to fight for a better world the one we can only to together and if aliens still hide and lie so let them be a watcher and make this place a show that they will see we are one civilisation with a warm heart and deep inspirations. Let show them we are no more scared of their mind game meant to make us quiet and let be human to build a human world that will welcome them when they want but now they are playing with us and we do not have time to wait their contact and help. We have to start the fight by our own and reverse the machination. New leaders most take power and new borders must be drew on a map of our planet that will suit not the past we had that gave us the present we live. We will fuck the past and use the present to take another direction. We are going to take the future as destination. Yesterday we were scared whispers in the shadow of powerful oppressor but this was the last one. We will take back our freedom to live and take back our lands to build our home. We are human and this is our home even if we do not own it. I was born on Earth this is my home and it is my right to be free to be alive and it is my right to talk loud if something is wrong. It is time to talk and tell the world what is the truth about who is really screwing us up. It is time to have to true people to say how bad the time they had has been so the fooled believer of a good force above our head will fall and crash. A lot of spacepeople are good but the ones pulling the ropes have bad intentions and I know because they used me like a puppet for years while the sheep looking for power and superiority followed them. I fought and I had wins and losts but now it is time to stop the brainwash I was victim and go back being myself. I just had to leave the fiction. I am human and now I will make it real what I can, that's it. I hope we will all start to walk together. The good humans, the good reptilians and the good aliens are here and we will fight the evil machination that make our universe rotten and sick. All nations of good sake will be here for it and we will start a new world order. A world of love, respect, consideration and equality! A familly of us and them. The good aliens they always tell the good humans ''You are one of us'' and they told me that but they need all the troops, all the loving heart and positive soul to initiate a constructive plan and then we will crash the last oppressor! Then we will never let anyone forget who we are: We are the good people! And the good people from all over the universe are friends because it is how we are, we are good. Humans and aliens that want a clean world to raise their children. No good people want their kid to live in a world meant to struck them down, to screw their mind or to make them sick enslaved... I was wrong since the beginning and they knew I was not ready but I saw the future with aliens and I could never accept it: I saw me a human walking with aliens. I saw me as human because it is what I am and I thought that being human would make me worthless to them but I was wrong. I was worthless as delusional fictional alien that was born in a reptilian brainwash experimentation. If aliens doesn't want me then I will find the humans that are here for the planet and I will with them build a better world for my son to grow up! I am on a mission, that is not bullshit! I am on a father mission and then the cosmos will be for later...
1508
I am not sure anymore, I am in a transition phase in wich I switch from the fiction to the real world. I am done looking with those eyes that only bring me sickness and pain. I want to be a happy dad and great husband. I will go being human and go back on my human stuff until I am ready to go further on something. I will find an occupation somewhere and the cosmic being would be 1/10 of my time and for the rest I will be human because I am really tired of this story, this job...
10-19-2018 1400
It has been a while! I have a lot to say! First my baby boy is growing and makes us proud. He is a special kid! He is smart, beautiful and really really strong. But I do not like to give informations about my loved ones just to be safe so I will pass for now. I have been hospitalised again a few weeks ago. Almost a month in a good psychiatric unit this time! Everything went well and I wrotte a lot with my tablet on the Alien Disclosure Network. I am now on new pill. Abilify! I heard so much shit about it that I was scared to take it but I gave a try and it is a life changer! It is a really good pill and I feel great and energetic even if I still have some anger issues... That is actually what brought me at the hospital. I also take some good old pill, Zoloft to help with obsession and mood stabilisation. A still take seroquel but as a sleep pill. Seroquel as main pill is shit. There is my cocktail: Abilify 25mg, Zoloft 200mg and seroquel 150mg. It is working really well. Abilify and Zoloft in the morning 30 minutes after my synthroid and seroquel at night to sleep because Abilify really make me energetic and active in a unbelievable way. The only thing is that I am sedated at night so it is hard to wake up for baby, I actually just don't wake up. My wife Tera is taking care of it so I can take that pill to make me sleep and reset my mind to wake up a brand new day. She is really supporting me with that! When I was at the hospital I wanted to have a physical proof of my schizophrenia so I requested a CT scan and the result is that my brain is biologically great! No biological source of any illness. Anyway I asked my doctor few questions and then the answers, I am not crazy, I am not insane, I am not psychotic, I am aware of reality and my real self. I am fine. My alien thing or being is not from a mental health issue, it is just who and how I am and I could even say what I am... So my alien story may not be real for many people but I can say it is not unreal. I was checked and examined and my alien story is not from any known mental health issues. I would be barelly delusional a bit but not ill of alien beliefs. So I am cleared of that crap people they call me. I am not a fake or mentally sick. I am an alien in a human body living a human life! When I asked him if he would believe I am an alien or I can be an alien the doctor said that he doesn't know much about aliens and what is possible about them so he couldn't say yes nor no. He said that my alien being could be an existencial or philosophical debate. Psychiatrists they are making progress but that doctor was great! I had many mental health professional saying that I am sane and now healthy. I have a quite stable mental health... I am fine, so people that think my mental health is the source of me beliefs they are wrong! I am being an alien because some extraterrestrials told me so! Whatever... I am being active on the Alien Disclosure Network more than here so that is where you will find most of my writting!
It has been a while! I have a lot to say! First my baby boy is growing and makes us proud. He is a special kid! He is smart, beautiful and really really strong. But I do not like to give informations about my loved ones just to be safe so I will pass for now. I have been hospitalised again a few weeks ago. Almost a month in a good psychiatric unit this time! Everything went well and I wrotte a lot with my tablet on the Alien Disclosure Network. I am now on new pill. Abilify! I heard so much shit about it that I was scared to take it but I gave a try and it is a life changer! It is a really good pill and I feel great and energetic even if I still have some anger issues... That is actually what brought me at the hospital. I also take some good old pill, Zoloft to help with obsession and mood stabilisation. A still take seroquel but as a sleep pill. Seroquel as main pill is shit. There is my cocktail: Abilify 25mg, Zoloft 200mg and seroquel 150mg. It is working really well. Abilify and Zoloft in the morning 30 minutes after my synthroid and seroquel at night to sleep because Abilify really make me energetic and active in a unbelievable way. The only thing is that I am sedated at night so it is hard to wake up for baby, I actually just don't wake up. My wife Tera is taking care of it so I can take that pill to make me sleep and reset my mind to wake up a brand new day. She is really supporting me with that! When I was at the hospital I wanted to have a physical proof of my schizophrenia so I requested a CT scan and the result is that my brain is biologically great! No biological source of any illness. Anyway I asked my doctor few questions and then the answers, I am not crazy, I am not insane, I am not psychotic, I am aware of reality and my real self. I am fine. My alien thing or being is not from a mental health issue, it is just who and how I am and I could even say what I am... So my alien story may not be real for many people but I can say it is not unreal. I was checked and examined and my alien story is not from any known mental health issues. I would be barelly delusional a bit but not ill of alien beliefs. So I am cleared of that crap people they call me. I am not a fake or mentally sick. I am an alien in a human body living a human life! When I asked him if he would believe I am an alien or I can be an alien the doctor said that he doesn't know much about aliens and what is possible about them so he couldn't say yes nor no. He said that my alien being could be an existencial or philosophical debate. Psychiatrists they are making progress but that doctor was great! I had many mental health professional saying that I am sane and now healthy. I have a quite stable mental health... I am fine, so people that think my mental health is the source of me beliefs they are wrong! I am being an alien because some extraterrestrials told me so! Whatever... I am being active on the Alien Disclosure Network more than here so that is where you will find most of my writting!
08-30-2018 2024
Well as most of the time I do not really know where to start! It has been a while I could not stop here and writte on my personal website since I could not really take a few beers and lose myself here. I have a new born baby son now so coming here to drink and writte is no more something I can do as often as before and I agree with that. A kid life is alot more interesting than a story without a proof that is to be taken down by any little monkey. I am a target to be because of some claims they said. I believe in myself the way I see what I can be trusting what is feeling inside of me and what is happening in my mind that I consider understanding of basic concept of the world as we know, as far as we know. I still have some hard and hurtful time on the internet because of the people that try to bring me down. They want to keep the banana they have and they do not know I gave them most of what they have and then I will flip the switch and turn the world upside down. I got a new memory package latelly and it sounds like a project final end conclusion that is coming. I am not where or when I think I am. I just don't know anymore and I feel like I may be in a spaceship for a while, trapped in a simulation or something similar. There is something that doesn't fit around and for too long. I wrotte most of what new I got on aliendisc but not really detailed or coherent but it was messy a little bit the way it came back to me. I was attacked by some user and anonymus poster but it is the same story all the time... All about the proof I just keep telling them that I do not have. This automn it will be 9 consciousness years of my contract wich mean it should be initiated the last year of ''better time'' you know like getting ''paid'' ... Not yet to be paid because I am not looking for the greed in this story. I want to get the stars and go to my crown and take over the galaxy. I want to earn the sky and beyond! I am not a liar saying that have proof or evidences. I am an honest larva and I say that I do not have anything to support or back me up. It is my words to believe or not. It is your mind to be open or not. I am playing a mind game of believe and trust. I remembered that it wasn't a real 10 years contract. Actually it is but it is 9 years of written experimentation for one last year of reintegration to evironment out project. One year of better time in wich alot of events will occur in a row and the world is going to take a different direction. The final surprise is coming! I was not to enjoy the project until the end. I have been offering myself an hard experience that was just meant to struck me down and hurt. I have been played on purpose of a secret lesson. I have been hiding one detail from everyone. Soon a new world is going to be given to us to lead. It was and still the badies turn that enjoyed the wealth and power. They don't know what is waiting for them. All this story was based on deception like any warfare... I was mad when I realised that since the beginning around 2009 the whole thing was a machinery to give the illusion the world hasn't changed when most of humanity is sleeping in space coming back home. That is what you do to you humans: We bringing you back home. I think it is when I took the plane that I went in space. Aliens and their ''plane'' .. some guys should know what I am talking about, I heard it before. I am still at the stage of taking shot from anyone or anywhere. I have my reality to share in a set up meant to struck me down. You know here in this place I am just a crazy psychotic and I should take meds and talk to my doctor so I have a medical practician saying that reality is not what I am saying. It is my challenge, my training. No matter how many are still sleeping in my freezer some propaganda is actually saying ''An alien fleet is nearby Earth'' ! There it is! Humanity is about to arrive on Earth. I am not kidding when I talk about bay 594. For now the purpose of the project is to be hurt by those that will soon be my lunch or my toy to play with. I am just motivating desire to take care of the ''monkey problem'' among humanity. Actually I was hurt and unsupported around my reality but I got to see some progress and soon I will be totally operational to actually start doing the real job after the secret preparation that must stay unknown if we want our magic trick to work and blow their mind. I want to say to all my people, my familly, my friends, my supporters and allies and also the watchers that makes the show alive. All of you that is the real deal, you that hear me knowing I can't hear you: Thank you! I am confident that all of you has been great no matter what I said to you in the past. But at that point you should know that: We all did what we had to do so the final end of this story stage 1 will work and have a meaning. You might not yet know exactly how important you have been so something bad and a kind of people will never be in position of power again. Trust me and serve my parents, the queen and the king and if you show comitment with no condition as if you show that being a part of the hive wich the whole of us is more important than your own desire, greed and power then... You will never suffer again after this story. We are not perfect, some say we are the badies and this is true at some point. We are not to let anyone overthrone our leader. Here is a military based monarchy but we take care of our people but you must prove you are our people, one of us. One of us is all of us and comitment is really expected. We are a hive with good hospitality as long as you do not ever try to fuck with us. We are not angels nor anything you should approach without being carefull. My nature is not to be what I am giving myself to be. This is from my cosmic being and my kind are not all as nice as I am and I love that. I will be the good one and if I fail then I won'T find anything to make them not be themself with you... You know? I am not their boss nor here to tell them how to be and who to be. That is up to them and my job is to be sure things stay ''clean''.. well... In appearence and I love that. Just saying that some of my kind would never do something like I did here. They would just... Do some [Classified] that would just bring some [Classified] because they love to [Classified] and I think their way to [Classified] is the best way as long as the [Classified] stays classified you know? This is who I am. I want to be good but I want my civilisation to stay the one I am a part of. My choice here to be too nice to be real for what we are. But not all of us are and if you give me no reason to tell them things should be nice then... They are not forced at any way to do what I want but alot of them they care about me, what I think and what I want. I tried to stay who I was known to be but... something is not going back to me and might never actually come back to me. This spot has hurt alot more than it seems.
Well as most of the time I do not really know where to start! It has been a while I could not stop here and writte on my personal website since I could not really take a few beers and lose myself here. I have a new born baby son now so coming here to drink and writte is no more something I can do as often as before and I agree with that. A kid life is alot more interesting than a story without a proof that is to be taken down by any little monkey. I am a target to be because of some claims they said. I believe in myself the way I see what I can be trusting what is feeling inside of me and what is happening in my mind that I consider understanding of basic concept of the world as we know, as far as we know. I still have some hard and hurtful time on the internet because of the people that try to bring me down. They want to keep the banana they have and they do not know I gave them most of what they have and then I will flip the switch and turn the world upside down. I got a new memory package latelly and it sounds like a project final end conclusion that is coming. I am not where or when I think I am. I just don't know anymore and I feel like I may be in a spaceship for a while, trapped in a simulation or something similar. There is something that doesn't fit around and for too long. I wrotte most of what new I got on aliendisc but not really detailed or coherent but it was messy a little bit the way it came back to me. I was attacked by some user and anonymus poster but it is the same story all the time... All about the proof I just keep telling them that I do not have. This automn it will be 9 consciousness years of my contract wich mean it should be initiated the last year of ''better time'' you know like getting ''paid'' ... Not yet to be paid because I am not looking for the greed in this story. I want to get the stars and go to my crown and take over the galaxy. I want to earn the sky and beyond! I am not a liar saying that have proof or evidences. I am an honest larva and I say that I do not have anything to support or back me up. It is my words to believe or not. It is your mind to be open or not. I am playing a mind game of believe and trust. I remembered that it wasn't a real 10 years contract. Actually it is but it is 9 years of written experimentation for one last year of reintegration to evironment out project. One year of better time in wich alot of events will occur in a row and the world is going to take a different direction. The final surprise is coming! I was not to enjoy the project until the end. I have been offering myself an hard experience that was just meant to struck me down and hurt. I have been played on purpose of a secret lesson. I have been hiding one detail from everyone. Soon a new world is going to be given to us to lead. It was and still the badies turn that enjoyed the wealth and power. They don't know what is waiting for them. All this story was based on deception like any warfare... I was mad when I realised that since the beginning around 2009 the whole thing was a machinery to give the illusion the world hasn't changed when most of humanity is sleeping in space coming back home. That is what you do to you humans: We bringing you back home. I think it is when I took the plane that I went in space. Aliens and their ''plane'' .. some guys should know what I am talking about, I heard it before. I am still at the stage of taking shot from anyone or anywhere. I have my reality to share in a set up meant to struck me down. You know here in this place I am just a crazy psychotic and I should take meds and talk to my doctor so I have a medical practician saying that reality is not what I am saying. It is my challenge, my training. No matter how many are still sleeping in my freezer some propaganda is actually saying ''An alien fleet is nearby Earth'' ! There it is! Humanity is about to arrive on Earth. I am not kidding when I talk about bay 594. For now the purpose of the project is to be hurt by those that will soon be my lunch or my toy to play with. I am just motivating desire to take care of the ''monkey problem'' among humanity. Actually I was hurt and unsupported around my reality but I got to see some progress and soon I will be totally operational to actually start doing the real job after the secret preparation that must stay unknown if we want our magic trick to work and blow their mind. I want to say to all my people, my familly, my friends, my supporters and allies and also the watchers that makes the show alive. All of you that is the real deal, you that hear me knowing I can't hear you: Thank you! I am confident that all of you has been great no matter what I said to you in the past. But at that point you should know that: We all did what we had to do so the final end of this story stage 1 will work and have a meaning. You might not yet know exactly how important you have been so something bad and a kind of people will never be in position of power again. Trust me and serve my parents, the queen and the king and if you show comitment with no condition as if you show that being a part of the hive wich the whole of us is more important than your own desire, greed and power then... You will never suffer again after this story. We are not perfect, some say we are the badies and this is true at some point. We are not to let anyone overthrone our leader. Here is a military based monarchy but we take care of our people but you must prove you are our people, one of us. One of us is all of us and comitment is really expected. We are a hive with good hospitality as long as you do not ever try to fuck with us. We are not angels nor anything you should approach without being carefull. My nature is not to be what I am giving myself to be. This is from my cosmic being and my kind are not all as nice as I am and I love that. I will be the good one and if I fail then I won'T find anything to make them not be themself with you... You know? I am not their boss nor here to tell them how to be and who to be. That is up to them and my job is to be sure things stay ''clean''.. well... In appearence and I love that. Just saying that some of my kind would never do something like I did here. They would just... Do some [Classified] that would just bring some [Classified] because they love to [Classified] and I think their way to [Classified] is the best way as long as the [Classified] stays classified you know? This is who I am. I want to be good but I want my civilisation to stay the one I am a part of. My choice here to be too nice to be real for what we are. But not all of us are and if you give me no reason to tell them things should be nice then... They are not forced at any way to do what I want but alot of them they care about me, what I think and what I want. I tried to stay who I was known to be but... something is not going back to me and might never actually come back to me. This spot has hurt alot more than it seems.
07-10-2018 2216
There I am now. Ready to hypnotise and magnitise the groove of the milky way. My galaxy to take and all dimensions to travel until I go back behind and make a difference. Many more victims will come and the dead will wake up and raise against the machination to change the world. I will open your eyes but for now it is still the mascarade and a show flipping on a penny. Cheap motion picture and illusion so you won't see it coming. Listen, trust and believe... Really important. Those that did are already in space waiting for the new world order to happen. Whatever... I am moved and now I will set myself up in the community and get known and make friends. I will find places to volunteer and get involved in town. In Edmonton I was not doing anything for some... reasons... But now it is done! It is over! I am not going to lock up myself home anymore. I will go back outside in the open of the public and I will do my job and make things better. I will go back fight my way in humanity but this time I will be victorious and I prepared myself for it for almost 4 years. I will go do what I have to do for me and my familly. I will be everyone friend just like I was before. I will find my spots and have all the support and help I can get. I will be their alien to love and trust. More they will believe more an alien I will be. That this the rule of the game I am playing. It is a psychosocial invasion, I will conquer their mind and heart and they will make me back the alien I am just like they took it off from me. They made me a human to fake so an alien to be real I will be and they will make me be it. Their way I crashed so their way I will fly again and from what they made me to be I will rise to the stars. It will not be a fight, it will be a show that I trained myself for years and now my futur is coming on. I won't be useless anymore and I won't care about the capitalist that want me to make the money... I am a socialist and I will fix humanity by unifying the population and then everything will change by itself. There will be no more judgement and rejection. I am a package deal, you take everyone with you or you don't have me. We are not always at the same level but we all deserve to be accepted and respected. I will contaminate this civilisation with my monstrous, charming and mysterious cosmic love. Anyway I can't be a dick with anyone... Keep in mind that... I am kind of just a larva. So if I can be the cosmic larva and feel good about it and feel I am not less that other lifeform so... Everybody is welcomed in my home and this planet and the rest of the galaxy is mine. The reform is coming and I don't care those that doesn't believe me, they will just miss the train and when they fall to the ground me and my people will fly in the space! My son is due for soon! 25th! But I believe he will born early or sooner, I don't know how to say it. I will be father, husband, a brother and a son. I hope to meet my alien parents again soon because I miss them. I miss their pride and love. They understand me for things that no humans can understand. This planet was dull so I will make it my doll. I am kido and I want to play with my friends. I am getting ready to show myself so I hope they will soon let me do it and allow me to have some proofs or evidences. I will be the human alien monster to love. I will be the hope parasite and I will consume stupidity and ignorance until there is no more fool left. I will not leave this planet until I won! My war is against negativity, hate and selfish. I destroyed so now it is time to build! It is the first time I write a journal entry in english and it feels weird but I will get used to it. I am so used to french so I do not communicate as good as I did before but I have to start doing it if I want to improve it. So now I am in english. I was born in the cosmos and I live in the physical plan because I like it. Soon I will modify and ammeliorate my vessel, because I fucking don't want to stay human. They told me many of us prefere to stay human and forget they are extraterrestrial and supernatural but I don't. I want to be living as alien. It is my choice and it is being taken off me so understand why I am mad/upset...
There I am now. Ready to hypnotise and magnitise the groove of the milky way. My galaxy to take and all dimensions to travel until I go back behind and make a difference. Many more victims will come and the dead will wake up and raise against the machination to change the world. I will open your eyes but for now it is still the mascarade and a show flipping on a penny. Cheap motion picture and illusion so you won't see it coming. Listen, trust and believe... Really important. Those that did are already in space waiting for the new world order to happen. Whatever... I am moved and now I will set myself up in the community and get known and make friends. I will find places to volunteer and get involved in town. In Edmonton I was not doing anything for some... reasons... But now it is done! It is over! I am not going to lock up myself home anymore. I will go back outside in the open of the public and I will do my job and make things better. I will go back fight my way in humanity but this time I will be victorious and I prepared myself for it for almost 4 years. I will go do what I have to do for me and my familly. I will be everyone friend just like I was before. I will find my spots and have all the support and help I can get. I will be their alien to love and trust. More they will believe more an alien I will be. That this the rule of the game I am playing. It is a psychosocial invasion, I will conquer their mind and heart and they will make me back the alien I am just like they took it off from me. They made me a human to fake so an alien to be real I will be and they will make me be it. Their way I crashed so their way I will fly again and from what they made me to be I will rise to the stars. It will not be a fight, it will be a show that I trained myself for years and now my futur is coming on. I won't be useless anymore and I won't care about the capitalist that want me to make the money... I am a socialist and I will fix humanity by unifying the population and then everything will change by itself. There will be no more judgement and rejection. I am a package deal, you take everyone with you or you don't have me. We are not always at the same level but we all deserve to be accepted and respected. I will contaminate this civilisation with my monstrous, charming and mysterious cosmic love. Anyway I can't be a dick with anyone... Keep in mind that... I am kind of just a larva. So if I can be the cosmic larva and feel good about it and feel I am not less that other lifeform so... Everybody is welcomed in my home and this planet and the rest of the galaxy is mine. The reform is coming and I don't care those that doesn't believe me, they will just miss the train and when they fall to the ground me and my people will fly in the space! My son is due for soon! 25th! But I believe he will born early or sooner, I don't know how to say it. I will be father, husband, a brother and a son. I hope to meet my alien parents again soon because I miss them. I miss their pride and love. They understand me for things that no humans can understand. This planet was dull so I will make it my doll. I am kido and I want to play with my friends. I am getting ready to show myself so I hope they will soon let me do it and allow me to have some proofs or evidences. I will be the human alien monster to love. I will be the hope parasite and I will consume stupidity and ignorance until there is no more fool left. I will not leave this planet until I won! My war is against negativity, hate and selfish. I destroyed so now it is time to build! It is the first time I write a journal entry in english and it feels weird but I will get used to it. I am so used to french so I do not communicate as good as I did before but I have to start doing it if I want to improve it. So now I am in english. I was born in the cosmos and I live in the physical plan because I like it. Soon I will modify and ammeliorate my vessel, because I fucking don't want to stay human. They told me many of us prefere to stay human and forget they are extraterrestrial and supernatural but I don't. I want to be living as alien. It is my choice and it is being taken off me so understand why I am mad/upset...